Chapter 15:
"We finally made it to Florida!!" both girls said out loud. After a quick discussion about where to eat and when the next rest stop would be, the car settled into a comfortable silence. Winter was making little noises as if she were a dog trying to catch a rabbit in a dream, Sam was trying not to worry about every car on the road behind them, and Christina was lost in her own thoughts. She looked up to the sky and watched as a bald eagle flew lazily ahead of them. She smiled as she watched its tremendous wings flapping once in a while as it seemed to follow their car. She had actually spotted the eagle back in Georgia and although she had no frame of reference, whenever she saw this majestic creature in the sky, she felt a little lighter. She silently thanked it for sticking with them as long as it had and with that thought, she laid her head on the headrest, let out the breath she had been holding, closed her heavy lids and fell right to sleep.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Chapter 14
Chapter 14:
Christina knew some of the story from miss Winter but she was not about to rat out her 5 year old confidante. She signaled for Sam to leave the windows down and to get out of the car so they could talk in complete privacy. Winter usually slept pretty hard but with a conversation like this neither girls wanted to take any chances that she might wake up in the middle of a bad part. Even though David was stalking his exwife, Sam did everything in her power not to badmouth him, even when doing so would have been completely acceptable.
"So tell me everything," Christina said once they were out of earshot. "You have to understand that I wanted to tell you all of this. But I thought I could get home without any incidents. I'm so sorry," Sam said, her voice cracking a bit. "No need to be sorry. There's nothing he can do. He's crafty, I'll give him that much. But he's about a smart as a box of hair. I'm pretty sure he had some help with this. He wouldn't have been able to pull this off on his own. We would have seen him and Winter most certainly would have."
Sam calmed down a bit at that. She knew her exhusband could be conniving, jealous, even manipulative. But he didn't have the brains to pull it off, or even know where to get the brains to do so. All she could do was shake her head. "It started happening more frequently about a week ago. I was distracted thinking of you getting here and didn't have my guard down as much. He started texting me again, sending me pictures like this of places he had seen me. I went to the police and they told me to report any suspicious activity, but there was nothing they could do if I didn't physically catch him taking my picture. He'd have to be close enough to take it and I haven't seen him." Christina listened intently as Sam went on about the hang up calls, mysterious door bell ringing, and everything else that had escalated in the past week. "That's why you came up here," she said, nonaccusingly. "Well of course not the only reason. I was sick of waiting for you to get here. But yes... he was getting worse and I was going crazy from everything he was doing so I packed Winter up and here we are."
"Hmmm.... well if he's following us now, chances are if we stay here like morons he'll be more likely to find us so let's just try and get as much of a head start as possible," Christina said. They gave each other a hug and kept their arms around each other as they headed back to the car. Checking to see if Winter was still asleep (which she was, peacefully), Sam put the key into the ignition and once again they were on their way home.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She looked down from the sky at them, trying to remain incognito. Her parents would wonder where she was, although they should really be starting to get used to her "alerts" as she liked to call them. She couldn't answer each one she got, and for those she couldn't she usually found someone else to help her out. But this one came in so strong she had no choice but to follow it. And she could see why. The two older females were tough, the one in the passenger seat could clearly take on Dwane "The Rock" Johnson if she had to, so their physical safety wasn't so much of an issue. But then there was the female driving who was clearly afraid of this man (as she had every reason to be), and the little angel sleeping in the backseat.
She was glad it was summertime and she wasn't expected back at school for at least another month and a half. They only had a couple days to go until they reached their destination but if she had a paper due she's have to abandon this post and for whatever reason she felt that this was where she needed to be right now. She could see the man about 4 hours behind, calculating his next move. The tough chick was right, he was calculating, but did not have the brains to pull it off. But whoever did was right under their nose, nobody that would attract enough attention but definitely someone the driver knew from her past life, another perk to being married to this asshole.
She knew she couldn't meddle in their lives. If they were in serious danger of being hurt she would swoop in and make her move but aside from that, they were on their own. They were both more well-equiped than they realized but she understood the urgency of the call. It is always smart to have backup in case of emergency. And that's what Molly was.
She sailed through the sky following their car in the shape of a bald eagle. At first he did not appreciate being taken over but as soon as she offered him his favorite meal of freshly "picked" rabbit, they were fast friends. She herself was a vegetarian, and for good reason. But she couldn't risk having her cover blown. She had to remain as invisible in the sky as she could be. So bald eagle it was. This one was a handsome chap, with a lovely sense of humor. She let him take the reigns as long as they both remained in eyesight of the car with the precious cargo inside. And she told him the story of how she was born. They were so ensconced in conversation that she almost missed the two other cars that were important to this story. One still harbored feelings for the passenger of the car, had to feel like he could have closure before "moving on." She chuckled to herself a bit on that one. She could definitely understand why the girl would run away from that one. But maybe he'd be better suited for the driver?
And then there was the bus driver, who was out on the road now thinking about one special girl as he was manuvering a large greyhound bus. Molly looked deep into his heart to see if there were any alterior motives but found none besides that of pure love and joy. When they would be reunited, everything would fall into place.
Molly let the eagle steer some more as the Sunshine State sign finally came into view. Only 6 more hours to go and they'd be home. Molly flew ahead to make sure the creep those two women were running from hadn't set any booby traps. What she found was not surprising...
Christina knew some of the story from miss Winter but she was not about to rat out her 5 year old confidante. She signaled for Sam to leave the windows down and to get out of the car so they could talk in complete privacy. Winter usually slept pretty hard but with a conversation like this neither girls wanted to take any chances that she might wake up in the middle of a bad part. Even though David was stalking his exwife, Sam did everything in her power not to badmouth him, even when doing so would have been completely acceptable.
"So tell me everything," Christina said once they were out of earshot. "You have to understand that I wanted to tell you all of this. But I thought I could get home without any incidents. I'm so sorry," Sam said, her voice cracking a bit. "No need to be sorry. There's nothing he can do. He's crafty, I'll give him that much. But he's about a smart as a box of hair. I'm pretty sure he had some help with this. He wouldn't have been able to pull this off on his own. We would have seen him and Winter most certainly would have."
Sam calmed down a bit at that. She knew her exhusband could be conniving, jealous, even manipulative. But he didn't have the brains to pull it off, or even know where to get the brains to do so. All she could do was shake her head. "It started happening more frequently about a week ago. I was distracted thinking of you getting here and didn't have my guard down as much. He started texting me again, sending me pictures like this of places he had seen me. I went to the police and they told me to report any suspicious activity, but there was nothing they could do if I didn't physically catch him taking my picture. He'd have to be close enough to take it and I haven't seen him." Christina listened intently as Sam went on about the hang up calls, mysterious door bell ringing, and everything else that had escalated in the past week. "That's why you came up here," she said, nonaccusingly. "Well of course not the only reason. I was sick of waiting for you to get here. But yes... he was getting worse and I was going crazy from everything he was doing so I packed Winter up and here we are."
"Hmmm.... well if he's following us now, chances are if we stay here like morons he'll be more likely to find us so let's just try and get as much of a head start as possible," Christina said. They gave each other a hug and kept their arms around each other as they headed back to the car. Checking to see if Winter was still asleep (which she was, peacefully), Sam put the key into the ignition and once again they were on their way home.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She looked down from the sky at them, trying to remain incognito. Her parents would wonder where she was, although they should really be starting to get used to her "alerts" as she liked to call them. She couldn't answer each one she got, and for those she couldn't she usually found someone else to help her out. But this one came in so strong she had no choice but to follow it. And she could see why. The two older females were tough, the one in the passenger seat could clearly take on Dwane "The Rock" Johnson if she had to, so their physical safety wasn't so much of an issue. But then there was the female driving who was clearly afraid of this man (as she had every reason to be), and the little angel sleeping in the backseat.
She was glad it was summertime and she wasn't expected back at school for at least another month and a half. They only had a couple days to go until they reached their destination but if she had a paper due she's have to abandon this post and for whatever reason she felt that this was where she needed to be right now. She could see the man about 4 hours behind, calculating his next move. The tough chick was right, he was calculating, but did not have the brains to pull it off. But whoever did was right under their nose, nobody that would attract enough attention but definitely someone the driver knew from her past life, another perk to being married to this asshole.
She knew she couldn't meddle in their lives. If they were in serious danger of being hurt she would swoop in and make her move but aside from that, they were on their own. They were both more well-equiped than they realized but she understood the urgency of the call. It is always smart to have backup in case of emergency. And that's what Molly was.
She sailed through the sky following their car in the shape of a bald eagle. At first he did not appreciate being taken over but as soon as she offered him his favorite meal of freshly "picked" rabbit, they were fast friends. She herself was a vegetarian, and for good reason. But she couldn't risk having her cover blown. She had to remain as invisible in the sky as she could be. So bald eagle it was. This one was a handsome chap, with a lovely sense of humor. She let him take the reigns as long as they both remained in eyesight of the car with the precious cargo inside. And she told him the story of how she was born. They were so ensconced in conversation that she almost missed the two other cars that were important to this story. One still harbored feelings for the passenger of the car, had to feel like he could have closure before "moving on." She chuckled to herself a bit on that one. She could definitely understand why the girl would run away from that one. But maybe he'd be better suited for the driver?
And then there was the bus driver, who was out on the road now thinking about one special girl as he was manuvering a large greyhound bus. Molly looked deep into his heart to see if there were any alterior motives but found none besides that of pure love and joy. When they would be reunited, everything would fall into place.
Molly let the eagle steer some more as the Sunshine State sign finally came into view. Only 6 more hours to go and they'd be home. Molly flew ahead to make sure the creep those two women were running from hadn't set any booby traps. What she found was not surprising...
Chapter 13
Chapter 13:
Being in the passenger seat again reminded Christina of the last car she was in, Ryan's. She sighed a little to herself, feeling a little foolish for letting him get to her like this. They had only known each other for a few days. She had to keep reminding herself of this as she thought back to all the moments they had shared: her talking his ear off as he drove the bus, finding him asleep in his car in the blazing hot sun, the one night they were able to spend together. She didn't want to dump all of this on Sam, although she knew eventually the whole truth would come out. For now she was satisfied sending him texts that she was safe and was currently on the last leg of her trip. He replied back with a smily face and said that the living room was just as she left it.
As she read over that last text, she couldn't help but smile. Her face blushed a bit as she hurredly tried to pick up on the conversation in the car to make it seem like she was, in fact, paying attention. She was out of luck when the last thing she heard was Gracie asking her what she thought. "What I thought of what?" She asked, a little stupidly.
Sam turned her attention from the road for a second to assess the situation. Judging from her friend's dazed expression and the flush of crimson on her cheeks she could only assume that there was one reason for that. "Don't mind your aunt, baby. She just had her head up in the clouds. I think she has come back down though... right, Chris?"
Chris looked at her friend and blushed again sheepishly. "Right," she answered. "All I wanted to know was, when we get to the beach house, can you help me find sea shells?" Winter asked with an air of 5 year old frustration at having to repeat herself. "Of course I will! We can even have a place for the really cool ones we find so everyone who comes to visit can see them," Christina replied. She could hear Winter chriping on about all the cool shells they would find as her cell phone vibrated again. She could see that she had a new text and at first her heart jumped, but as she opened her phone her breath paused. She didn't recognize the number, but she definitely recognized the tone of the text. She didn't want to alarm anyone, but she couldn't shake the ever-growing feeling of dread as the words kept repeating themselves over and over again in her mind. How had he found this number? And what made him think his silly threats could scare her off?
Sam noticed a change in her friend right away. It wasn't the same doe-eyed haze she was in a minute ago. This was serious. As quickly as she could, Sam pulled over to the side of the road. "Hand it over," she said to Chris as she held her hand out, waiting. At first Chris was going to fight her, she didn't want her friend to see this, but she knew she'd have to come clean eventually. Reluctantly she handed the phone over to Sam. Winter was still rattling on about sea shells and decorations and the beach as Sam flipped the phone up to see the home screen. Going back to the last text, she looked Chris in the eyes as she pressed the "open" button. Looking at her friend for a moment longer, she finally steeled the strength to look down. The number was strange, she could tell that already. There weren't any words, just a series of pictures. One of a very familiar hotel, one of 2 women walking with a small child in between them, 2 women talking over a table... wait. The pictures were kind of blurry but she could definitely make out... a tiny head of small blond curls. At this point the talking from the back seat of the car had stopped. Both women looked back to see little Winter Grace had exhausted herself and was currently taking up residence in Sleepyland. Still, the women didn't speak above a whisper. "what does this mean?" Sam asked. "Umm... I think it means he was at the hotel," Christina answered back. Sam couldn't say anything for a long time, just stared off into space as tears slowly ran down her cheeks. "Listen to me," Christina whispered. "I am here. I will not let anything happen to you, you know that. Do we want to go to the police?"
"No, not yet," Sam replied. "So far apparently all he's done is take pictures." "Yes, but he broke the restraining order, obviously, and he somehow found MY number. I didn't even know you guys were still in contact," Chris said, trying to remain quiet but not always succeeding. "I'm not... but he is." Sam said as she collapsed into a heap onto the steering wheel of her car.
Being in the passenger seat again reminded Christina of the last car she was in, Ryan's. She sighed a little to herself, feeling a little foolish for letting him get to her like this. They had only known each other for a few days. She had to keep reminding herself of this as she thought back to all the moments they had shared: her talking his ear off as he drove the bus, finding him asleep in his car in the blazing hot sun, the one night they were able to spend together. She didn't want to dump all of this on Sam, although she knew eventually the whole truth would come out. For now she was satisfied sending him texts that she was safe and was currently on the last leg of her trip. He replied back with a smily face and said that the living room was just as she left it.
As she read over that last text, she couldn't help but smile. Her face blushed a bit as she hurredly tried to pick up on the conversation in the car to make it seem like she was, in fact, paying attention. She was out of luck when the last thing she heard was Gracie asking her what she thought. "What I thought of what?" She asked, a little stupidly.
Sam turned her attention from the road for a second to assess the situation. Judging from her friend's dazed expression and the flush of crimson on her cheeks she could only assume that there was one reason for that. "Don't mind your aunt, baby. She just had her head up in the clouds. I think she has come back down though... right, Chris?"
Chris looked at her friend and blushed again sheepishly. "Right," she answered. "All I wanted to know was, when we get to the beach house, can you help me find sea shells?" Winter asked with an air of 5 year old frustration at having to repeat herself. "Of course I will! We can even have a place for the really cool ones we find so everyone who comes to visit can see them," Christina replied. She could hear Winter chriping on about all the cool shells they would find as her cell phone vibrated again. She could see that she had a new text and at first her heart jumped, but as she opened her phone her breath paused. She didn't recognize the number, but she definitely recognized the tone of the text. She didn't want to alarm anyone, but she couldn't shake the ever-growing feeling of dread as the words kept repeating themselves over and over again in her mind. How had he found this number? And what made him think his silly threats could scare her off?
Sam noticed a change in her friend right away. It wasn't the same doe-eyed haze she was in a minute ago. This was serious. As quickly as she could, Sam pulled over to the side of the road. "Hand it over," she said to Chris as she held her hand out, waiting. At first Chris was going to fight her, she didn't want her friend to see this, but she knew she'd have to come clean eventually. Reluctantly she handed the phone over to Sam. Winter was still rattling on about sea shells and decorations and the beach as Sam flipped the phone up to see the home screen. Going back to the last text, she looked Chris in the eyes as she pressed the "open" button. Looking at her friend for a moment longer, she finally steeled the strength to look down. The number was strange, she could tell that already. There weren't any words, just a series of pictures. One of a very familiar hotel, one of 2 women walking with a small child in between them, 2 women talking over a table... wait. The pictures were kind of blurry but she could definitely make out... a tiny head of small blond curls. At this point the talking from the back seat of the car had stopped. Both women looked back to see little Winter Grace had exhausted herself and was currently taking up residence in Sleepyland. Still, the women didn't speak above a whisper. "what does this mean?" Sam asked. "Umm... I think it means he was at the hotel," Christina answered back. Sam couldn't say anything for a long time, just stared off into space as tears slowly ran down her cheeks. "Listen to me," Christina whispered. "I am here. I will not let anything happen to you, you know that. Do we want to go to the police?"
"No, not yet," Sam replied. "So far apparently all he's done is take pictures." "Yes, but he broke the restraining order, obviously, and he somehow found MY number. I didn't even know you guys were still in contact," Chris said, trying to remain quiet but not always succeeding. "I'm not... but he is." Sam said as she collapsed into a heap onto the steering wheel of her car.
Chapter 12
Chapter 12:
Christina was back at her beach house. Except this time it wasn't a far off place, it was the picture she had seen right before her eyes in the presence of her best friend and niece. She knew that this was a real place, with 4 walls and a roof, right off the beach. This place was just as much a part of her as the air she was breathing, the sounds of Winter Grace screaming in delight as the cold water lapped at her feet, and the ground beneath her feet. She could feel the hardwood floors on her feet, and it felt good to walk around in a place she could finally call home.
This time she heard a dog barking. Her heart lept out of her chest as she heard the familiar bark. She practically ran out of the house, not bothering to close the door to the back porch behind her. Right there with Winter and Sam was her dog, Hunter. He was wagging his tail and barking at Winter as she splashed water at him. He licked her tiny face and she squeeled. At first the noise made him stop but only for a second before giving her more kisses. As Christina approached, she tried to be as quiet as possible. She ached to be near her dog but the scene unfolding before her was so adorable that she didn't want to ruin it. But it didn't matter.
Hunter stopped what he was doing and stayed very still. He sniffed the air around him and then turned his head, doggie tongue sticking out of the side of his snout as he followed the scent to her. He immediately ran to her, all 85 pounds of black fur and sand rushing to greet her. Christina was knocked onto her butt at the impact but she didn't care as she gave him a hug and he licked her face. In that moment, she didn't care if it was just a dream. She could feel his sandy fur in her hands, could hear his cries of joy as they were once again reunited. "I missed you so much, baby boy," she whispered into his ear. "I will never leave you again, I promise." He answered with a few licks to her face before plopping down at her side.
She looked out at the horizon and saw Sam and Winter holding hands looking over at her. She waved them over and soon enough, Hunter was in heaven as he had 3 beautiful ladies petting him. As he calmed down, Christina laid down next to him. He wrapped his front paws around her and she held onto his black fur. Suddenly she felt like she might cry. She tried pushing back the tears but they came anyway, in a rush of emotion. In her waking life, Christina had been showing too much emotion lately. It was all part of becoming herself again, all a part of feeling human again. She wondered as she laid in the sand with her people (and dog) if she would ever feel like herself enough to stop the tears from flooding her face. In that moment, the scene changed.
Suddenly she was back at Ryan's house. The house itself was empty, but she could see that there was a bit more life in it than when she had first set foot in it. The pillows and blankets from the night she stayed over were still on the floor, arranged the way she had put them. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but she felt a ping of emotion for this place. Suddenly she realized that this felt like home to her as well, and with that thought, the vision of her and Ryan laying down on those pillows came to life. In an instant she was watching herself sleep. But for some reason she couldn't keep her eyes off of Ryan. He looked so adorable sleeping, but she could see the struggle in his eyes. She could see him wanting to do more than just snuggle with her, but not daring make a move, especially while she was asleep. She was even more impressed by his restraint after seeing this play out a second time. He really did not do anything to make a move besides hold her. And she looked so content, just laying there.
She woke up with a start. The room was just beginning to light up which meant it had to have been not more than a little past sunrise. She stretched her body to get a better look at the clock on the end table between the two beds. Ugh, she was right. It was about 7:43am. Both Sam and Winter were still fast asleep, obviously not affected a bit by all the moving around she must have been doing. Slowly she scootched herself off the bed, careful not to wake either of her girls. She told herself she was just going to the bathroom, and if her phone just happened to be on the way, who was she not to check it?
First she had to find out if it even still worked. All of her phones were a little damp but this was the one in her pocket so it had the most damage. She quietly fished the battery out of the rice and slide it back into the phone. She didn't realize she was holding her breath until after hitting the power button and upon seeing the welcome screen, she let her breath out. She did a silent victory dance in her head as the phone slowly puttered to life, taking forever to load but slowly getting there. She decided, or rather her bladder decided for her, that she would take this time to use the bathroom upon waiting for everything to load all the way. After she was finished she walked slowly back to her phone, holding in a breath again as she checked the screen. Holy crap, she had 15 text messages.
A few of them were from her mom, wondering where in the heck she was. Her mom sent a few "please tell me if you're alright" texts before sending a REALLY nasty one, right before sending a "Sam tells me you guys are together and safe so... please disregard the last text." She sighed as she deleted all but the last one, reminding herself to text her mom when she felt up to it. The next text was hard to read. It nearly took her breath away to watch the words upon the screen. It was from Jimmy. "I miss you, my darling. I think about you all the time and I know you still love me. Please text me back. If not, I will try again soon."
Christina knew by now that she didn't exactly handle the whole Jimmy situation the right way. In her heart she knew she had hurt him. But at that same token, she knew that she still had a ways to go before she got to this point. He had loved a woman who was still very broken and although he tried his best, he couldn't shake the demons within her. She had to give him props for that and tell him thank you for everything but she couldn't bring herself to. Not yet. But she didn't exactly delete this text, either. She decided that she was going to hang onto it for as long as she felt she needed to, to be reminded of this man who showed her what it was like to be loved.
The last text came from Ryan (of course). He just said he missed her and please let him know when she makes it to Florida and when can he come visit. She smiled at this for a minute before responding back. "Hello, handsome. At the hotel now with my bff and niece, should be arriving in Florida within the next couple of days. Will let you know when you can visit." She felt her whole face smile as she pressed the send button. She was just about to crawl back into bed and fall back asleep when she saw Winter opening her eyes.
"Auntie Christina!!! Why are you all the way over there?"
"Excuse me, I had to pee," Christina answered, her face still flushed. She saw the screen light up on the old flip phone that she had a new text, but instead of answering back she set the phone down and scooped her niece up and snuggled back in between her and Sam. "Let's not wake your mom up just yet, little one," Christina said softly. "She's had a long day."
Winter looked at Christina with a concerned face. Christina knew that face, it was the one she wore when she was thinking intently. Chistina waited patiently for the little girl to collect her thoughts. Winter signaled for her aunt to come closer to her so she could whisper in her ear. It had been such a long time since they'd shared any secrets. Christina felt her heart strings tug as she lowered her face to allow her niece to whisper in her ear. "Daddy is trying to get back with Mommy," she whispered. Christina couldn't hide her disappointment. "Uh oh," she said, trying to be quiet. "what is he doing?"
"He's sending her letters, calling her, texting her, saying how much he misses her," Winter said sadly.
"And how do you think your mom feels about this?"
"She doesn't miss him back."
"Really? How can you tell?"
"She never answers back. Just tells me we're going on an adventure and then takes me to the beach. We walk along the edge picking sea shells for a while until she feels better and then we go back home."
Christina contemplated this for a little bit. No wonder why Sam was in such a hurry to get out of there. Christina's slow pace gave her the courage she needed to leave Florida altogether and not come back until they were all together again. But she wondered why Sam didn't say anything last night at dinner. She would keep this thought to herself until her friend decided to tell her later. She gave Winter a little squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. "You know what I'm glad for?"
"What's that, auntie Christina?"
"I'm glad we're all together again. Your mom has been through a lot and I'm so thankful for the two of you."
Winter held onto her aunt a little tighter. At that moment, Sam decided to wake up. She opened her eyes slowly and stretched her whole body, making a bunch of strange cat noises as she did so. "Look who's awake!!!" Christina said, as Winter let go of her to pounce on her mom. "Yay, mom's awake!! Now we can get some breakfast!!!!"
"Ugh, not before I wake up a little bit," Sam said grogily. "You okay?" Christina asked. "Yeah, just had some very strange dreams," Sam answered. "I had an awesome dream," Christina said, her face smiling. "OOoooh did someone get lucky?" Sam asked seductively. "No, you silly goose," Christina answered, blushing a little bit. "I just saw Hunter, that's all." "Awwww.... I miss him," Sam said. "I know, me too."
"Alright, we got a long way to go today," Sam said. "Let me get dressed and then we'll go down to breakfast and then head out."
"Sounds good to me," Christina answered. She could feel the rumblings start in her stomach. She couldn't believe how hungry she was. In the past year there were so many times she would go all day before realizing she hadn't eaten anything but just like her tears, her apetite was coming back as well. Instead of ignoring it she decided to just go with it, giving into the most important meal of the day.
The three of them walked hand in hand (in tiny hand) down the hallway and to the elevator, pressed the button, and made it to the lobby before all the good food was taken. They talked about everything: from their dreams, to checking the weather report, to Chris's mom's crazy texts. Sam never mentioned her exhusband though, and it was just as well. Christina liked that he wasn't even a thought in her mind. She smiled to herself as she sliced through her strawberry pancakes, savoring every piece. She was ready to get on with the next chapter in her life.
Christina was back at her beach house. Except this time it wasn't a far off place, it was the picture she had seen right before her eyes in the presence of her best friend and niece. She knew that this was a real place, with 4 walls and a roof, right off the beach. This place was just as much a part of her as the air she was breathing, the sounds of Winter Grace screaming in delight as the cold water lapped at her feet, and the ground beneath her feet. She could feel the hardwood floors on her feet, and it felt good to walk around in a place she could finally call home.
This time she heard a dog barking. Her heart lept out of her chest as she heard the familiar bark. She practically ran out of the house, not bothering to close the door to the back porch behind her. Right there with Winter and Sam was her dog, Hunter. He was wagging his tail and barking at Winter as she splashed water at him. He licked her tiny face and she squeeled. At first the noise made him stop but only for a second before giving her more kisses. As Christina approached, she tried to be as quiet as possible. She ached to be near her dog but the scene unfolding before her was so adorable that she didn't want to ruin it. But it didn't matter.
Hunter stopped what he was doing and stayed very still. He sniffed the air around him and then turned his head, doggie tongue sticking out of the side of his snout as he followed the scent to her. He immediately ran to her, all 85 pounds of black fur and sand rushing to greet her. Christina was knocked onto her butt at the impact but she didn't care as she gave him a hug and he licked her face. In that moment, she didn't care if it was just a dream. She could feel his sandy fur in her hands, could hear his cries of joy as they were once again reunited. "I missed you so much, baby boy," she whispered into his ear. "I will never leave you again, I promise." He answered with a few licks to her face before plopping down at her side.
She looked out at the horizon and saw Sam and Winter holding hands looking over at her. She waved them over and soon enough, Hunter was in heaven as he had 3 beautiful ladies petting him. As he calmed down, Christina laid down next to him. He wrapped his front paws around her and she held onto his black fur. Suddenly she felt like she might cry. She tried pushing back the tears but they came anyway, in a rush of emotion. In her waking life, Christina had been showing too much emotion lately. It was all part of becoming herself again, all a part of feeling human again. She wondered as she laid in the sand with her people (and dog) if she would ever feel like herself enough to stop the tears from flooding her face. In that moment, the scene changed.
Suddenly she was back at Ryan's house. The house itself was empty, but she could see that there was a bit more life in it than when she had first set foot in it. The pillows and blankets from the night she stayed over were still on the floor, arranged the way she had put them. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but she felt a ping of emotion for this place. Suddenly she realized that this felt like home to her as well, and with that thought, the vision of her and Ryan laying down on those pillows came to life. In an instant she was watching herself sleep. But for some reason she couldn't keep her eyes off of Ryan. He looked so adorable sleeping, but she could see the struggle in his eyes. She could see him wanting to do more than just snuggle with her, but not daring make a move, especially while she was asleep. She was even more impressed by his restraint after seeing this play out a second time. He really did not do anything to make a move besides hold her. And she looked so content, just laying there.
She woke up with a start. The room was just beginning to light up which meant it had to have been not more than a little past sunrise. She stretched her body to get a better look at the clock on the end table between the two beds. Ugh, she was right. It was about 7:43am. Both Sam and Winter were still fast asleep, obviously not affected a bit by all the moving around she must have been doing. Slowly she scootched herself off the bed, careful not to wake either of her girls. She told herself she was just going to the bathroom, and if her phone just happened to be on the way, who was she not to check it?
First she had to find out if it even still worked. All of her phones were a little damp but this was the one in her pocket so it had the most damage. She quietly fished the battery out of the rice and slide it back into the phone. She didn't realize she was holding her breath until after hitting the power button and upon seeing the welcome screen, she let her breath out. She did a silent victory dance in her head as the phone slowly puttered to life, taking forever to load but slowly getting there. She decided, or rather her bladder decided for her, that she would take this time to use the bathroom upon waiting for everything to load all the way. After she was finished she walked slowly back to her phone, holding in a breath again as she checked the screen. Holy crap, she had 15 text messages.
A few of them were from her mom, wondering where in the heck she was. Her mom sent a few "please tell me if you're alright" texts before sending a REALLY nasty one, right before sending a "Sam tells me you guys are together and safe so... please disregard the last text." She sighed as she deleted all but the last one, reminding herself to text her mom when she felt up to it. The next text was hard to read. It nearly took her breath away to watch the words upon the screen. It was from Jimmy. "I miss you, my darling. I think about you all the time and I know you still love me. Please text me back. If not, I will try again soon."
Christina knew by now that she didn't exactly handle the whole Jimmy situation the right way. In her heart she knew she had hurt him. But at that same token, she knew that she still had a ways to go before she got to this point. He had loved a woman who was still very broken and although he tried his best, he couldn't shake the demons within her. She had to give him props for that and tell him thank you for everything but she couldn't bring herself to. Not yet. But she didn't exactly delete this text, either. She decided that she was going to hang onto it for as long as she felt she needed to, to be reminded of this man who showed her what it was like to be loved.
The last text came from Ryan (of course). He just said he missed her and please let him know when she makes it to Florida and when can he come visit. She smiled at this for a minute before responding back. "Hello, handsome. At the hotel now with my bff and niece, should be arriving in Florida within the next couple of days. Will let you know when you can visit." She felt her whole face smile as she pressed the send button. She was just about to crawl back into bed and fall back asleep when she saw Winter opening her eyes.
"Auntie Christina!!! Why are you all the way over there?"
"Excuse me, I had to pee," Christina answered, her face still flushed. She saw the screen light up on the old flip phone that she had a new text, but instead of answering back she set the phone down and scooped her niece up and snuggled back in between her and Sam. "Let's not wake your mom up just yet, little one," Christina said softly. "She's had a long day."
Winter looked at Christina with a concerned face. Christina knew that face, it was the one she wore when she was thinking intently. Chistina waited patiently for the little girl to collect her thoughts. Winter signaled for her aunt to come closer to her so she could whisper in her ear. It had been such a long time since they'd shared any secrets. Christina felt her heart strings tug as she lowered her face to allow her niece to whisper in her ear. "Daddy is trying to get back with Mommy," she whispered. Christina couldn't hide her disappointment. "Uh oh," she said, trying to be quiet. "what is he doing?"
"He's sending her letters, calling her, texting her, saying how much he misses her," Winter said sadly.
"And how do you think your mom feels about this?"
"She doesn't miss him back."
"Really? How can you tell?"
"She never answers back. Just tells me we're going on an adventure and then takes me to the beach. We walk along the edge picking sea shells for a while until she feels better and then we go back home."
Christina contemplated this for a little bit. No wonder why Sam was in such a hurry to get out of there. Christina's slow pace gave her the courage she needed to leave Florida altogether and not come back until they were all together again. But she wondered why Sam didn't say anything last night at dinner. She would keep this thought to herself until her friend decided to tell her later. She gave Winter a little squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. "You know what I'm glad for?"
"What's that, auntie Christina?"
"I'm glad we're all together again. Your mom has been through a lot and I'm so thankful for the two of you."
Winter held onto her aunt a little tighter. At that moment, Sam decided to wake up. She opened her eyes slowly and stretched her whole body, making a bunch of strange cat noises as she did so. "Look who's awake!!!" Christina said, as Winter let go of her to pounce on her mom. "Yay, mom's awake!! Now we can get some breakfast!!!!"
"Ugh, not before I wake up a little bit," Sam said grogily. "You okay?" Christina asked. "Yeah, just had some very strange dreams," Sam answered. "I had an awesome dream," Christina said, her face smiling. "OOoooh did someone get lucky?" Sam asked seductively. "No, you silly goose," Christina answered, blushing a little bit. "I just saw Hunter, that's all." "Awwww.... I miss him," Sam said. "I know, me too."
"Alright, we got a long way to go today," Sam said. "Let me get dressed and then we'll go down to breakfast and then head out."
"Sounds good to me," Christina answered. She could feel the rumblings start in her stomach. She couldn't believe how hungry she was. In the past year there were so many times she would go all day before realizing she hadn't eaten anything but just like her tears, her apetite was coming back as well. Instead of ignoring it she decided to just go with it, giving into the most important meal of the day.
The three of them walked hand in hand (in tiny hand) down the hallway and to the elevator, pressed the button, and made it to the lobby before all the good food was taken. They talked about everything: from their dreams, to checking the weather report, to Chris's mom's crazy texts. Sam never mentioned her exhusband though, and it was just as well. Christina liked that he wasn't even a thought in her mind. She smiled to herself as she sliced through her strawberry pancakes, savoring every piece. She was ready to get on with the next chapter in her life.
Chapter 11
Chapter 11:
She saw Winter Grace's blonde tendrils before anything else. Samantha looked exhausted, but at the sight of her friend Christina could see her features soften.
"you look better," Samantha commented.
"yep, I'm dry," Christina answered back.
"So, tell me about the guy."
Winter, who had been coloring mostly on the table cloth rather than the designated paper place mat, stopped immediately and looked up at her aunt. "what guy?" she asked, a look of concern on her face. "what have you been telling her?" Christina asked Sam. "oh, nothing. Aside from the fact that the reason you weren't with us was because you were with some guy you had just met."
Christina looked hurt. She had no idea why her friend was acting this way. It wasn't like she meant for anything to happen. And then she remembered... Jimmy. He and Sam had actually gotten along. They never met in person but they had spoken on the phone a few times and had a rapport going. Samantha was looking forward to meeting him until he was abruptly cut out of the picture. Oops.
Christina bit her bottom lip. She had no idea how to explain what happened, so she just went for the first thing she could think of. "Jim told me he loved me."
Sam looked unimpressed. She raised an eyebrow. "And...?"
"and nothing. He told me he loved me and I left."
Samantha saw the pain in her friend's eyes and knew she had to tread lightly. She grabbed Christina's hand. "it got too hard, didn't it?"
Christina bit her bottom lip again. She could feel her throat tighten, stray tears threatening to fall. She hadn't really given herself that much time to think about Jimmy but in that instant she missed him. "it was just time to move on, I had to keep moving so I could see my two favorite girls," she said.
"okay so that explains Jimmy. Tell us about Ryan." Winter's face perked up at the sound of a new boy's name. "oooooohhhh auntie Christina has a new boyfriend," she said loud enough for anyone within earshot to hear. Christina felt her cheeks redden but she managed to keep her embarrassment to a minimum. "he's not my boyfriend," stated. "he was just a guy who wanted to make sure I was safe."
"a complete stranger?" Samantha asked.
"well... Yeah."
"and he didn't want anything from you?"
"nope."
"hmmmm...."
Christina could see the wheels turning in Sam's brain. If she listened closely, she could probably hear them as well. "so a complete stranger who you've never met offers you to stay at his house for a whole night and doesn't want anything from you?"
"yes."
"somehow I really doubt that."
"well, he might have wanted something from me but he didn't get anything."
"fair enough. Did you want anything from him?"
"nothing besides his friendship."
"that's not what your mom said."
"look, I know you liked Jimmy and you were excited to meet him but I couldn't deal with his feelings. Or mine for that matter. But that has nothing to do with Ryan. He took me in and was a complete gentleman and for once I didn't have to run away from him. He knew I was coming to see you and wanted me to be safe."
As soon as she said those words, the whole room felt lighter. Samantha could see the toll that the whole past year was taking on her friend and with that last statement she retreated, throwing up her white flag. "as long as he didn't try anything on you, I guess I'm okay with him."
"well, I'm glad to hear you say that because I think I might invite him over when we finally find our house."
"ooh yeah, about that, miss Winter and I have a surprise for you. But we have to finish our dinner first."
Christina was usually the one with the surprises. She spent the whole rest of her meal wondering what in the world kind of surprise could be bigger than both of her favorite people being here right now.
They all finished the rest of their meals with the usual banter, Sam asking about the rest of Christina's trip and Winter being her usual cute self. By the time they got back to their room, Christina was exhausted. She almost thought of telling her friend to wait until the next morning to tell her the surprise, until she saw it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Right on top of Samantha's bed there was a huge binder. Christina's eyes widened. "oh my goodness, is this the surprise?"
"duh, why don't you check it out?"
Christina sat in the middle of the bed, cross legged. Samantha was on one side of her, Winter on the other. Looking down she saw a binder with the words "Christina's dream house" on the cover with some pictures obviously drawn by a very crayon savvy 5 year old. "oh my Goddess, what is this?"
"just open it!!"
Christina opened the binder up to the front page. Instantly she felt herself tear up. There were just so many things in this book, such an outpouring of love. From page one there were pictures of different beach houses, floor plans, even pictures of Sam and Winter at the actual houses. Some of the places were really far away from Boynton Beach. There were houses in Tallahassee, Kissamee, Juno beach, Tampa, just all around the Sunshine state. As Christina turned each page and saw the detail of every house that Sam and Winter had looked at, she realized something. It didn't matter where she ended up as long as she never left those two again. She could find a photography job anywhere. She would get Hunter back somehow, maybe travel up to get him and then come back down. But she knew from then on that it wasn't just going to be her dream house. It was going to be theirs.
And with that, she turned the page and immediately drew breath.
"this house... Where did you find it?"
Samantha looked down to see which house Christina was pointing to. "that's a real beauty up in St Petersburg. The area was really nice and Winter really loved that it was by the water."
"it's this one."
"this one what?"
"it's this one, this is the house."
"you haven't even looked through--"
"no. It's this one. There's beach stuff all around and pictures of us and a quilt--" she stopped herself before she could say Jimmy's name. But that was the beach house of her dreams, the one that kept coming back to her.
Christina didn't have to look at the rest of the houses. "that's where we're going."
Samantha knew not to question her friend. Especially when she had that look on her face, the one that said "all who question me will get cut." "don't you even want to look at the rest of the book? We worked our asses off to finish it before coming to get you."
"okay, okay. I will finish the rest of the book. Tomorrow after I get some sleep."
"fair enough," Sam said, a little yawn to show that she herself could use some sleep.
Christina didn't care that she hadn't moved from the spot where she found her house. She bookmarked the page immediately, as if she would lose her place and never find it again if she simply closed the book. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind she was aware that she had her own bed, but she didn't want to leave the comfort of her best friend on one side of her and her little niece on the other side. They all lay down on the queen sized bed, all snuggled into one another, the feeling so familiar that Christina had wondered how she could have gone so long without it. Back when Winter was just a little one, back when Sam's husband had left her in tears again, Christina would snuggle with them both. Sam would only stop crying when Christina was there with her, and in turn the baby would sleep through the night. Christina knew they couldn't carry on forever that way, so as much as it broke her heart, she knew she had to leave.
And now it was Samantha's turn to comfort her. Winter fell right to sleep snuggled in Christina's arms, and Christina could feel herself drifting off to sleep as she listened to her best friend's sleeping breaths beside her. It took almost a year, but she was finally home again.
She saw Winter Grace's blonde tendrils before anything else. Samantha looked exhausted, but at the sight of her friend Christina could see her features soften.
"you look better," Samantha commented.
"yep, I'm dry," Christina answered back.
"So, tell me about the guy."
Winter, who had been coloring mostly on the table cloth rather than the designated paper place mat, stopped immediately and looked up at her aunt. "what guy?" she asked, a look of concern on her face. "what have you been telling her?" Christina asked Sam. "oh, nothing. Aside from the fact that the reason you weren't with us was because you were with some guy you had just met."
Christina looked hurt. She had no idea why her friend was acting this way. It wasn't like she meant for anything to happen. And then she remembered... Jimmy. He and Sam had actually gotten along. They never met in person but they had spoken on the phone a few times and had a rapport going. Samantha was looking forward to meeting him until he was abruptly cut out of the picture. Oops.
Christina bit her bottom lip. She had no idea how to explain what happened, so she just went for the first thing she could think of. "Jim told me he loved me."
Sam looked unimpressed. She raised an eyebrow. "And...?"
"and nothing. He told me he loved me and I left."
Samantha saw the pain in her friend's eyes and knew she had to tread lightly. She grabbed Christina's hand. "it got too hard, didn't it?"
Christina bit her bottom lip again. She could feel her throat tighten, stray tears threatening to fall. She hadn't really given herself that much time to think about Jimmy but in that instant she missed him. "it was just time to move on, I had to keep moving so I could see my two favorite girls," she said.
"okay so that explains Jimmy. Tell us about Ryan." Winter's face perked up at the sound of a new boy's name. "oooooohhhh auntie Christina has a new boyfriend," she said loud enough for anyone within earshot to hear. Christina felt her cheeks redden but she managed to keep her embarrassment to a minimum. "he's not my boyfriend," stated. "he was just a guy who wanted to make sure I was safe."
"a complete stranger?" Samantha asked.
"well... Yeah."
"and he didn't want anything from you?"
"nope."
"hmmmm...."
Christina could see the wheels turning in Sam's brain. If she listened closely, she could probably hear them as well. "so a complete stranger who you've never met offers you to stay at his house for a whole night and doesn't want anything from you?"
"yes."
"somehow I really doubt that."
"well, he might have wanted something from me but he didn't get anything."
"fair enough. Did you want anything from him?"
"nothing besides his friendship."
"that's not what your mom said."
"look, I know you liked Jimmy and you were excited to meet him but I couldn't deal with his feelings. Or mine for that matter. But that has nothing to do with Ryan. He took me in and was a complete gentleman and for once I didn't have to run away from him. He knew I was coming to see you and wanted me to be safe."
As soon as she said those words, the whole room felt lighter. Samantha could see the toll that the whole past year was taking on her friend and with that last statement she retreated, throwing up her white flag. "as long as he didn't try anything on you, I guess I'm okay with him."
"well, I'm glad to hear you say that because I think I might invite him over when we finally find our house."
"ooh yeah, about that, miss Winter and I have a surprise for you. But we have to finish our dinner first."
Christina was usually the one with the surprises. She spent the whole rest of her meal wondering what in the world kind of surprise could be bigger than both of her favorite people being here right now.
They all finished the rest of their meals with the usual banter, Sam asking about the rest of Christina's trip and Winter being her usual cute self. By the time they got back to their room, Christina was exhausted. She almost thought of telling her friend to wait until the next morning to tell her the surprise, until she saw it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Right on top of Samantha's bed there was a huge binder. Christina's eyes widened. "oh my goodness, is this the surprise?"
"duh, why don't you check it out?"
Christina sat in the middle of the bed, cross legged. Samantha was on one side of her, Winter on the other. Looking down she saw a binder with the words "Christina's dream house" on the cover with some pictures obviously drawn by a very crayon savvy 5 year old. "oh my Goddess, what is this?"
"just open it!!"
Christina opened the binder up to the front page. Instantly she felt herself tear up. There were just so many things in this book, such an outpouring of love. From page one there were pictures of different beach houses, floor plans, even pictures of Sam and Winter at the actual houses. Some of the places were really far away from Boynton Beach. There were houses in Tallahassee, Kissamee, Juno beach, Tampa, just all around the Sunshine state. As Christina turned each page and saw the detail of every house that Sam and Winter had looked at, she realized something. It didn't matter where she ended up as long as she never left those two again. She could find a photography job anywhere. She would get Hunter back somehow, maybe travel up to get him and then come back down. But she knew from then on that it wasn't just going to be her dream house. It was going to be theirs.
And with that, she turned the page and immediately drew breath.
"this house... Where did you find it?"
Samantha looked down to see which house Christina was pointing to. "that's a real beauty up in St Petersburg. The area was really nice and Winter really loved that it was by the water."
"it's this one."
"this one what?"
"it's this one, this is the house."
"you haven't even looked through--"
"no. It's this one. There's beach stuff all around and pictures of us and a quilt--" she stopped herself before she could say Jimmy's name. But that was the beach house of her dreams, the one that kept coming back to her.
Christina didn't have to look at the rest of the houses. "that's where we're going."
Samantha knew not to question her friend. Especially when she had that look on her face, the one that said "all who question me will get cut." "don't you even want to look at the rest of the book? We worked our asses off to finish it before coming to get you."
"okay, okay. I will finish the rest of the book. Tomorrow after I get some sleep."
"fair enough," Sam said, a little yawn to show that she herself could use some sleep.
Christina didn't care that she hadn't moved from the spot where she found her house. She bookmarked the page immediately, as if she would lose her place and never find it again if she simply closed the book. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind she was aware that she had her own bed, but she didn't want to leave the comfort of her best friend on one side of her and her little niece on the other side. They all lay down on the queen sized bed, all snuggled into one another, the feeling so familiar that Christina had wondered how she could have gone so long without it. Back when Winter was just a little one, back when Sam's husband had left her in tears again, Christina would snuggle with them both. Sam would only stop crying when Christina was there with her, and in turn the baby would sleep through the night. Christina knew they couldn't carry on forever that way, so as much as it broke her heart, she knew she had to leave.
And now it was Samantha's turn to comfort her. Winter fell right to sleep snuggled in Christina's arms, and Christina could feel herself drifting off to sleep as she listened to her best friend's sleeping breaths beside her. It took almost a year, but she was finally home again.
Chapter 10
Chapter 10:
At last it was time to go. Christina couldn't put it off any longer. She had done her laundry, taken a much needed shower, had breakfast and watched her favorite comedy, Tommy Boy, before reluctantly getting up. Ryan knew it was time for her to go. He knew it was selfish of him to ask her to stay, it was her journey and he couldn't stall her any longer. Her friend in Florida, Samantha, was already blowing up her phone and asking if she was on the road yet. After the 8th "get up off your ass and get down here" message, Christina sighed loudly. It was time.
"you will text me and let me know you're safe?" Ryan asked. As if he even had to. After all he'd done for her, she knew that he was a part of her life, a perfect addition to her circle of friends. "of course! Now I really have to go before I end up spending another day here." it was 11am and she was itching to get on the road before she felt it would be too late to get very far. She grabbed her bike and he grabbed her backpack and slid it on her back. Silently, they made it outside. The heat of the Georgia day was already upon them, and Christina was grateful for the extra water bottle Ryan insisted on lending to her. She looked into his eyes, wanting to savor this moment. This was the first time she had felt at home somewhere in a long time. As much as it pained her to admit, she felt the first pangs of anxiety upon leaving. But of course she powered through them, she had to get to Boynton Beach. Her heart was aching for the beach, her bff, and her beautiful niece.
Ryan held out his arms and Christina fell into them. She took a deep breath in, inhaling his scent. He smelled like the beautiful breakfast he had made for them. She felt her emotions giving her away as a tear ran down her cheek. And another, and another. Ryan took Christina's face in his palms as he gently brushed her tears away with his thumbs. Still holding her face, he gave her a simple kiss on her lips. "don't be a stranger, you big cry baby," he said with a wink.
Christina let him kiss her again and gave him another huge hug. "I need to go," she said quietly.
"I know," he answered.
"what if I don't come back?"
"you will."
"how do you know?"
"I don't."
With that she finally let go of him. She gave the house one final glance. She silently thanked it for letting her feel at home, and she made a promise to herself that no matter what, this wouldn't be the last time she laid eyes on it. But she wouldn't say the words out loud. She didn't want to promise something she had no way of keeping. She'd just have to make the effort.
With that, she left Ryan standing in the driveway as she pedaled off, into her newest adventure.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She was pedaling for a while when she noticed something. Even though it was autumn it still felt like summer and she was about another few hours to her next hotel room stay (and another couple of days to sunny Florida). Out of nowhere the air seemed a bit chillier. She glanced up and noticed a very angry looking cloud hovering overhead. Before she could bike for cover she felt the first few drops of rain before the sky literally opened up.
She was about an hour away from Ryan's place. That thought made her heart leap out of her chest, but she kept it in and tried to drown out the emotion with more pressing matters. She would have just enjoyed the rain but soon it was coming down so heavy she couldn't even see a few feet past her nose. This was getting ridiculous. She had just cleaned all of her clothes, including what she was wearing that was now completely soaked through. All the rest of her belongings were in her trusty duffel bag... Which wasn't exactly water proof but kept everything dry enough. She would have just put up with it but even her pride wasn't a match for this storm. "fine," she said, looking up to the angry clouds looming above her head. "I'll check into the first hotel that I see. Happy now?" she wasn't sure, but she could have sworn at that statement the rain let up a little bit. Not enough to make her think she could ride through it, but enough for her to find a Holiday Inn just around the corner. It had been a very long time since she had treated herself to a real hotel. The ones she normally stayed at were clean enough but provided nothing more than the bare essentials. This one at least had an indoor swimming pool. If she was lucky she would get a room with a Jacuzzi in it as well.
Very carefully as to not slip and fall on the wet pavement, she carefully made her way to the hotel.
She made it to the hotel with some effort. She made sure to stay to the side in the foyer of the lobby as more dry guests came in and out. She was too soaked through to make it to the receptionist. She had been still seated on her bike too wet to move trying not to attract too much attention when a familiar face came her way.
She noticed the gorgeous baby curls on the five year old's head first before anything else. "auntie Christina!!"
"Miss Winter Grace. Where is your mama?"
Sure enough, Samantha appeared as if out of nowhere. It had been so long since she had seen her friend that they just stared at each other for a while. "Sammy!!!" Christina shouted. "I'd give you a hug but I'm soaked through," she explained.
Samantha looked her best friend up and down before speaking. The sight of her brought tears to her eyes and she had to blink them back before they came spilling out everywhere. She hadn't seen Christina in such a long time, at least before the accident. She couldn't wait for Christina to get to the beach house so she piled her daughter into her car and started driving. She made it as far as this Holiday Inn in Fort Stewart, an hour north of Savannah, Georgia when the sky opened up and she was forced to pull over. She hadn't even checked in yet when Winter started running around and that's when she saw the bike.
She just stood close to her friend and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "will somebody get this woman a damn towel?!?" she shouted. Samantha had such a commanding presence that at the volume of that inquiry, at least 4 bellhops showed up with towels. "thanks," Christina muttered as everybody, including her 5 year old niece, started patting her down. After a few minutes she felt like she could move again and thanked everyone for their help and could someone please help her off her bike? One of the bellhops took one arm and Samantha took the other as they helped her off.
As soon as she was free, she felt so much better. "now I can hug you!"
"oh no ya don't, I can still see through your shirt."
"since when has that ever stopped a best friend forever hug?"
Samantha rolled her eyes at this but her eyes smiled as she finally gave in, not caring that her shirt was going to get wet as well. She still had her hoodie on at least.
"well come on, let's get us a room so you can feel like yourself again... Right after you tell me about this Ryan guy that your mom has not shut up about."
Christina blushed a little at the sound of Ryan's name, but she didn't think anything of it as she followed her best friend and niece to their room. Samantha didn't even have to ask Christina what kind of room she preferred, she got one with 2 queen sized beds and a Jacuzzi. Christina didn't care about that right now as much as she cared about getting out of her wet (and freezing cold, thanks to the hotel's policy of keeping the temp at a frosty 60*) clothes. All the way to room 358, Christina listened to her niece go on and on about everything they had seen on their trip already. Christina knew that it was a huge deal for Samantha to be even this far away from home. She hadn't gotten her license until she was almost 25 and that was only because she had a daughter and the man who got her pregnant had left her so she had no choice but to get her license. But having it didn't mean she drove much, only to work and to run errands. But definitely not across state lines.
Winter was just getting into the part about the rain starting when the room number finally appeared. "yay! We're here!" Christina exclaimed.
Samantha had been very quiet on the walk up, but Christina knew it was only a front for what would come later. She'd wait until Christina was warm and dry before bombarding her with a million questions. The only reason why her mom knew she was with Ryan in the first place was because she didn't want her mom to worry. But as far as she knew, she might never see him again so what was the point of rehashing everything? And to top things off, Sam only knew bits and pieces of what happened to Jimmy, mostly through Christina's mother as well. She just wanted to wait until she was in Florida before breaking down completely. But she knew Sam well enough to know that she was extremely impatient and she probably couldn't wait for her friend any longer before packing up the kid and heading out.
"okay, I get this bed," Christina said as she dropped her wet duffel bag on the comforter of the nearest available bed. "okay, you go take your shower and we will see you in a bit," Samantha answered, giving her best friend a warm smile. Christina grabbed the first dry thing she could grab, scared to venture too far into her bag, and went into the bathroom. She kept the door unlocked just in case someone had to use the toilet and turned the water on. As she was waiting for the water to warm up, she peeled off her clothes. Thankfully the water was starting to steam as soon as she was done, because the air made little goosebumps appear on her skin and she started to shiver. Pulling the curtain back, she welcomed the almost too hot water on her skin. She stopped shivering almost immediately. After she felt more like herself, she turned the water down so she didn't end up scorching her skin, letting her mind wander. It wasn't something she did often; the past had been too painful for her to revisit. But as she looked back to the past few days, she realized that she was really beginning to feel better. For the first time since seeing her dead exboyfriend laying in a pool of his own blood, she felt like she was running to something instead of away from it. Jimmy had finally started leaving her alone, she met a new friend named Ryan, and she was reunited with her best friend and niece. It had been almost a year since this journey began and for the first time since the start of it, she felt like she could breathe. She knew that running away wasn't the answer, but she was still on this journey had vowed to see it through. As much as she would have liked to do the whole thing by herself, fate had already stepped in and had decided for her that she wasn't meant to be alone for this. She smiled to herself as she turned the water off, the bathroom still steamy and warm, and wrapped the white Terry cloth hotel towel around her body.
Upon opening the door and letting out a puff of steam, she noticed something strange. Her bag was empty and her best friend was nowhere to be found. She started to panic a little but then saw the note. "dumped out your bag to see what the damage was, most stuff was salvageable. Your clothes are in the dryer, your cell phones are all in rice, and the munchkin and I are downstairs waiting for you to get dressed so we can have dinner. Love, Sam and Gracie."
Christina loved it when Sam used her nickname for her niece. She hated that Sam had gotten pregnant by some asshole who didn't even deserve her and put her through hell, but she was thankful when he left. She had felt bad for her friend, but she knew they were all better off.
David wasn't a bad looking guy. In fact, he was the type of guy who knew he was cute enough to get what he wanted, and that was good enough for him. Having dyslexia he could barely write and never read. Talking to him was like talking to a wall. But Samantha swore up and down that they were going to be married one day.
By the time he met Samantha at a friend's Halloween party, he was already married. He had gotten married at age 18 because he got his girlfriend pregnant. They lived in a small town called Troy, Ohio. He moved back down to Florida after the baby was 7 months old. He and Sam were together for 4 months in Boynton Beach, Florida, before his wife was threatening to take his parental rights away. So, he moved back up to Troy, and Sam followed shortly. They lived up there for 2 1/2 years, enduring drama after drama, before he finally got divorced from his first wife only to propose to her 4 days later on Valentine's day. They were married on June 5th, 2006. In October 2006, she had to be rescued by her dad because things had gotten so bad that she shut down mentally. She was being accused of child abuse and was trying to keep her head above water only to get knocked down everytime. Her dad flew to Troy and picked her up and he drove her car back down. A month later David followed and they were together for a while longer, having a baby in the process. Winter Grace brought her joy, but the constant fighting didn't. Shortly after a particularly nasty argument about her cheating on him (he was convinced that the baby's throw up on all of her clothes was something different), he slammed the front door and never opened it again.
Samantha cried for a long time, sometimes finding it difficult to get out of bed. Christina was determined to not lose her best friend so she flew to Florida and stayed with her and her new baby until Sam could pull herself up again. They all celebrated Winter's first birthday together before she had to go back to her own life. But she kept the photography job going and managed to sell some beautiful pictures of her time in the Sunshine state: the beach, waves, different animals. She even documented her time with her best friend and niece, creating a whole scrapbook of memories of that time for the 3 of them.
Returning back to the present, Christina pulled on her new outfit, not caring so much about her appearance as she did having dinner with her family. Grabbing the room key just in case Sam forgot it (which she always did), and her purse, she started her journey into the interrogation.
At last it was time to go. Christina couldn't put it off any longer. She had done her laundry, taken a much needed shower, had breakfast and watched her favorite comedy, Tommy Boy, before reluctantly getting up. Ryan knew it was time for her to go. He knew it was selfish of him to ask her to stay, it was her journey and he couldn't stall her any longer. Her friend in Florida, Samantha, was already blowing up her phone and asking if she was on the road yet. After the 8th "get up off your ass and get down here" message, Christina sighed loudly. It was time.
"you will text me and let me know you're safe?" Ryan asked. As if he even had to. After all he'd done for her, she knew that he was a part of her life, a perfect addition to her circle of friends. "of course! Now I really have to go before I end up spending another day here." it was 11am and she was itching to get on the road before she felt it would be too late to get very far. She grabbed her bike and he grabbed her backpack and slid it on her back. Silently, they made it outside. The heat of the Georgia day was already upon them, and Christina was grateful for the extra water bottle Ryan insisted on lending to her. She looked into his eyes, wanting to savor this moment. This was the first time she had felt at home somewhere in a long time. As much as it pained her to admit, she felt the first pangs of anxiety upon leaving. But of course she powered through them, she had to get to Boynton Beach. Her heart was aching for the beach, her bff, and her beautiful niece.
Ryan held out his arms and Christina fell into them. She took a deep breath in, inhaling his scent. He smelled like the beautiful breakfast he had made for them. She felt her emotions giving her away as a tear ran down her cheek. And another, and another. Ryan took Christina's face in his palms as he gently brushed her tears away with his thumbs. Still holding her face, he gave her a simple kiss on her lips. "don't be a stranger, you big cry baby," he said with a wink.
Christina let him kiss her again and gave him another huge hug. "I need to go," she said quietly.
"I know," he answered.
"what if I don't come back?"
"you will."
"how do you know?"
"I don't."
With that she finally let go of him. She gave the house one final glance. She silently thanked it for letting her feel at home, and she made a promise to herself that no matter what, this wouldn't be the last time she laid eyes on it. But she wouldn't say the words out loud. She didn't want to promise something she had no way of keeping. She'd just have to make the effort.
With that, she left Ryan standing in the driveway as she pedaled off, into her newest adventure.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She was pedaling for a while when she noticed something. Even though it was autumn it still felt like summer and she was about another few hours to her next hotel room stay (and another couple of days to sunny Florida). Out of nowhere the air seemed a bit chillier. She glanced up and noticed a very angry looking cloud hovering overhead. Before she could bike for cover she felt the first few drops of rain before the sky literally opened up.
She was about an hour away from Ryan's place. That thought made her heart leap out of her chest, but she kept it in and tried to drown out the emotion with more pressing matters. She would have just enjoyed the rain but soon it was coming down so heavy she couldn't even see a few feet past her nose. This was getting ridiculous. She had just cleaned all of her clothes, including what she was wearing that was now completely soaked through. All the rest of her belongings were in her trusty duffel bag... Which wasn't exactly water proof but kept everything dry enough. She would have just put up with it but even her pride wasn't a match for this storm. "fine," she said, looking up to the angry clouds looming above her head. "I'll check into the first hotel that I see. Happy now?" she wasn't sure, but she could have sworn at that statement the rain let up a little bit. Not enough to make her think she could ride through it, but enough for her to find a Holiday Inn just around the corner. It had been a very long time since she had treated herself to a real hotel. The ones she normally stayed at were clean enough but provided nothing more than the bare essentials. This one at least had an indoor swimming pool. If she was lucky she would get a room with a Jacuzzi in it as well.
Very carefully as to not slip and fall on the wet pavement, she carefully made her way to the hotel.
She made it to the hotel with some effort. She made sure to stay to the side in the foyer of the lobby as more dry guests came in and out. She was too soaked through to make it to the receptionist. She had been still seated on her bike too wet to move trying not to attract too much attention when a familiar face came her way.
She noticed the gorgeous baby curls on the five year old's head first before anything else. "auntie Christina!!"
"Miss Winter Grace. Where is your mama?"
Sure enough, Samantha appeared as if out of nowhere. It had been so long since she had seen her friend that they just stared at each other for a while. "Sammy!!!" Christina shouted. "I'd give you a hug but I'm soaked through," she explained.
Samantha looked her best friend up and down before speaking. The sight of her brought tears to her eyes and she had to blink them back before they came spilling out everywhere. She hadn't seen Christina in such a long time, at least before the accident. She couldn't wait for Christina to get to the beach house so she piled her daughter into her car and started driving. She made it as far as this Holiday Inn in Fort Stewart, an hour north of Savannah, Georgia when the sky opened up and she was forced to pull over. She hadn't even checked in yet when Winter started running around and that's when she saw the bike.
She just stood close to her friend and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "will somebody get this woman a damn towel?!?" she shouted. Samantha had such a commanding presence that at the volume of that inquiry, at least 4 bellhops showed up with towels. "thanks," Christina muttered as everybody, including her 5 year old niece, started patting her down. After a few minutes she felt like she could move again and thanked everyone for their help and could someone please help her off her bike? One of the bellhops took one arm and Samantha took the other as they helped her off.
As soon as she was free, she felt so much better. "now I can hug you!"
"oh no ya don't, I can still see through your shirt."
"since when has that ever stopped a best friend forever hug?"
Samantha rolled her eyes at this but her eyes smiled as she finally gave in, not caring that her shirt was going to get wet as well. She still had her hoodie on at least.
"well come on, let's get us a room so you can feel like yourself again... Right after you tell me about this Ryan guy that your mom has not shut up about."
Christina blushed a little at the sound of Ryan's name, but she didn't think anything of it as she followed her best friend and niece to their room. Samantha didn't even have to ask Christina what kind of room she preferred, she got one with 2 queen sized beds and a Jacuzzi. Christina didn't care about that right now as much as she cared about getting out of her wet (and freezing cold, thanks to the hotel's policy of keeping the temp at a frosty 60*) clothes. All the way to room 358, Christina listened to her niece go on and on about everything they had seen on their trip already. Christina knew that it was a huge deal for Samantha to be even this far away from home. She hadn't gotten her license until she was almost 25 and that was only because she had a daughter and the man who got her pregnant had left her so she had no choice but to get her license. But having it didn't mean she drove much, only to work and to run errands. But definitely not across state lines.
Winter was just getting into the part about the rain starting when the room number finally appeared. "yay! We're here!" Christina exclaimed.
Samantha had been very quiet on the walk up, but Christina knew it was only a front for what would come later. She'd wait until Christina was warm and dry before bombarding her with a million questions. The only reason why her mom knew she was with Ryan in the first place was because she didn't want her mom to worry. But as far as she knew, she might never see him again so what was the point of rehashing everything? And to top things off, Sam only knew bits and pieces of what happened to Jimmy, mostly through Christina's mother as well. She just wanted to wait until she was in Florida before breaking down completely. But she knew Sam well enough to know that she was extremely impatient and she probably couldn't wait for her friend any longer before packing up the kid and heading out.
"okay, I get this bed," Christina said as she dropped her wet duffel bag on the comforter of the nearest available bed. "okay, you go take your shower and we will see you in a bit," Samantha answered, giving her best friend a warm smile. Christina grabbed the first dry thing she could grab, scared to venture too far into her bag, and went into the bathroom. She kept the door unlocked just in case someone had to use the toilet and turned the water on. As she was waiting for the water to warm up, she peeled off her clothes. Thankfully the water was starting to steam as soon as she was done, because the air made little goosebumps appear on her skin and she started to shiver. Pulling the curtain back, she welcomed the almost too hot water on her skin. She stopped shivering almost immediately. After she felt more like herself, she turned the water down so she didn't end up scorching her skin, letting her mind wander. It wasn't something she did often; the past had been too painful for her to revisit. But as she looked back to the past few days, she realized that she was really beginning to feel better. For the first time since seeing her dead exboyfriend laying in a pool of his own blood, she felt like she was running to something instead of away from it. Jimmy had finally started leaving her alone, she met a new friend named Ryan, and she was reunited with her best friend and niece. It had been almost a year since this journey began and for the first time since the start of it, she felt like she could breathe. She knew that running away wasn't the answer, but she was still on this journey had vowed to see it through. As much as she would have liked to do the whole thing by herself, fate had already stepped in and had decided for her that she wasn't meant to be alone for this. She smiled to herself as she turned the water off, the bathroom still steamy and warm, and wrapped the white Terry cloth hotel towel around her body.
Upon opening the door and letting out a puff of steam, she noticed something strange. Her bag was empty and her best friend was nowhere to be found. She started to panic a little but then saw the note. "dumped out your bag to see what the damage was, most stuff was salvageable. Your clothes are in the dryer, your cell phones are all in rice, and the munchkin and I are downstairs waiting for you to get dressed so we can have dinner. Love, Sam and Gracie."
Christina loved it when Sam used her nickname for her niece. She hated that Sam had gotten pregnant by some asshole who didn't even deserve her and put her through hell, but she was thankful when he left. She had felt bad for her friend, but she knew they were all better off.
David wasn't a bad looking guy. In fact, he was the type of guy who knew he was cute enough to get what he wanted, and that was good enough for him. Having dyslexia he could barely write and never read. Talking to him was like talking to a wall. But Samantha swore up and down that they were going to be married one day.
By the time he met Samantha at a friend's Halloween party, he was already married. He had gotten married at age 18 because he got his girlfriend pregnant. They lived in a small town called Troy, Ohio. He moved back down to Florida after the baby was 7 months old. He and Sam were together for 4 months in Boynton Beach, Florida, before his wife was threatening to take his parental rights away. So, he moved back up to Troy, and Sam followed shortly. They lived up there for 2 1/2 years, enduring drama after drama, before he finally got divorced from his first wife only to propose to her 4 days later on Valentine's day. They were married on June 5th, 2006. In October 2006, she had to be rescued by her dad because things had gotten so bad that she shut down mentally. She was being accused of child abuse and was trying to keep her head above water only to get knocked down everytime. Her dad flew to Troy and picked her up and he drove her car back down. A month later David followed and they were together for a while longer, having a baby in the process. Winter Grace brought her joy, but the constant fighting didn't. Shortly after a particularly nasty argument about her cheating on him (he was convinced that the baby's throw up on all of her clothes was something different), he slammed the front door and never opened it again.
Samantha cried for a long time, sometimes finding it difficult to get out of bed. Christina was determined to not lose her best friend so she flew to Florida and stayed with her and her new baby until Sam could pull herself up again. They all celebrated Winter's first birthday together before she had to go back to her own life. But she kept the photography job going and managed to sell some beautiful pictures of her time in the Sunshine state: the beach, waves, different animals. She even documented her time with her best friend and niece, creating a whole scrapbook of memories of that time for the 3 of them.
Returning back to the present, Christina pulled on her new outfit, not caring so much about her appearance as she did having dinner with her family. Grabbing the room key just in case Sam forgot it (which she always did), and her purse, she started her journey into the interrogation.
Chapter 9
Chapter 9:
~~~~~~~~~~~
At the first hint of sunlight, she opened her eyes a crack. She had a dreamless sleep, the first one since leaving Jimmy. She felt great though, as if she had finally slept all night. She opened her eyes all the way and realized she was still on Ryan's chest. It was so nice of him to stay with her and let her sleep in such a position and not even try anything. A piece of her felt at home here, and could really see herself putting down roots in this house. She smiled at the thought. She felt a slight tapping on her head. "you awake?" Ryan asked softly. "getting there," Christina answered back, her throat incredibly dry.
She opened her eyes fully after a minute of protest, her eyelids still incredibly heavy. When she looked around the room she could see that it looked so different in the sunlight. Besides all of the pillows they were laying on and the stacks of movies, there was something a little off-putting. She glanced around the room, studying all the little figurines and pictures collecting dust in their frames. Much like the bedroom Ryan had showed her that she did not want to sleep in, the rest of the house was still exactly the same, as if it was just waiting for the people in the pictures to come home.
Suddenly, instead of feeling warm and welcome, all she wanted to do now was get the hell out of there. How could she think about putting roots down in a place that was not meant for her? She suddenly felt incredibly foolish.
Ryan immediately felt the shift in the air. He knew she had to leave soon, but he couldn't put his finger on what the problem was. Even though they had spent the night together, ultimately nothing had happened so there was nothing she should be ashamed or embarrassed about. And yet he couldn't help but noticed the splash of crimson that suddenly appeared on her cheeks. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he gently coaxed her to turn around and look at him. "hey," he said softly. "what's wrong?"
Christina could feel her throat tighten as she attempted to speak. How could she tell him what she had been thinking? But he had been so kind to her when he didn't have to be that she felt like she had to say something. She could feel her old self screaming not to let him in. He had already seen too much. But suddenly all she wanted to do was pour her heart out to this gentle creature and tell him what was going on.
"I feel so stupid," she started. "I was beginning to feel like I belonged here or something. And then I looked around and saw all the pictures and knew that wasn't true. Do you hate me now?"
Ryan's eyes widened. She was the first woman he had taken home in a very long time, and certainly the only one that really meant anything. Sure, they had only known each other for a couple of days now, but he felt like she had already belonged with him. And yet he knew that if she stayed there, it was only a matter of time before she felt frantic again, and it would be harder on him when she finally did leave. He knew that if she was going to feel any sense of peace, she needed to finish her journey. And if she came back on her own, then that would be right.
He could feel his own throat tighten up, making it very difficult for him to say what he needed to. But he knew that it was the right thing to do. "Christina, listen to me." she gave him all of her attention as he continued on. "ever since you started chatting me up on that bus, I have felt incredibly blessed. And now that you're here I can see how special you are. You will always have a home here. But you know as well as I do that you can't stay here now. You have to see your best friend and have that time with her and I and this house will be here when you come back, if you decide to."
Christina nodded. He was right. She gave him a huge hug before getting up. "can I take a shower at least before I go?"
"of course, and then I will take you out for some breakfast so you are ready for your trip."
Christina smiled at him as she nodded again, her stomach suddenly growling angrily and her brain in much need of some yummy coffee. In a flash she was looking through her bag for some clean clothes, realizing too late that she was quickly running out. "hmmmm.... Maybe I can bring breakfast to you while you get cleaned up and do some laundry?" Ryan asked.
Christina beamed at this as she found her last clean outfit: a purple v-neck T-shirt with skeletons, bikini cut undies with a butterfly on the butt, and a pair of olive green cargo pants. It wasn't the best combination, but it would have to do.
"I will take a French vanilla coffee with two creams and two sugars," she said. "consider it done!" Ryan answered as he grabbed his keys.
Christina's stomach was seriously protesting as she put her laundry in the wash first before getting in the shower. By the time she was done, the first load would be done and ready to dry. Then they'd have breakfast and then maybe have time for a movie before everything was finished. And then she'd finally be off.
~~~~~~~~~~~
At the first hint of sunlight, she opened her eyes a crack. She had a dreamless sleep, the first one since leaving Jimmy. She felt great though, as if she had finally slept all night. She opened her eyes all the way and realized she was still on Ryan's chest. It was so nice of him to stay with her and let her sleep in such a position and not even try anything. A piece of her felt at home here, and could really see herself putting down roots in this house. She smiled at the thought. She felt a slight tapping on her head. "you awake?" Ryan asked softly. "getting there," Christina answered back, her throat incredibly dry.
She opened her eyes fully after a minute of protest, her eyelids still incredibly heavy. When she looked around the room she could see that it looked so different in the sunlight. Besides all of the pillows they were laying on and the stacks of movies, there was something a little off-putting. She glanced around the room, studying all the little figurines and pictures collecting dust in their frames. Much like the bedroom Ryan had showed her that she did not want to sleep in, the rest of the house was still exactly the same, as if it was just waiting for the people in the pictures to come home.
Suddenly, instead of feeling warm and welcome, all she wanted to do now was get the hell out of there. How could she think about putting roots down in a place that was not meant for her? She suddenly felt incredibly foolish.
Ryan immediately felt the shift in the air. He knew she had to leave soon, but he couldn't put his finger on what the problem was. Even though they had spent the night together, ultimately nothing had happened so there was nothing she should be ashamed or embarrassed about. And yet he couldn't help but noticed the splash of crimson that suddenly appeared on her cheeks. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he gently coaxed her to turn around and look at him. "hey," he said softly. "what's wrong?"
Christina could feel her throat tighten as she attempted to speak. How could she tell him what she had been thinking? But he had been so kind to her when he didn't have to be that she felt like she had to say something. She could feel her old self screaming not to let him in. He had already seen too much. But suddenly all she wanted to do was pour her heart out to this gentle creature and tell him what was going on.
"I feel so stupid," she started. "I was beginning to feel like I belonged here or something. And then I looked around and saw all the pictures and knew that wasn't true. Do you hate me now?"
Ryan's eyes widened. She was the first woman he had taken home in a very long time, and certainly the only one that really meant anything. Sure, they had only known each other for a couple of days now, but he felt like she had already belonged with him. And yet he knew that if she stayed there, it was only a matter of time before she felt frantic again, and it would be harder on him when she finally did leave. He knew that if she was going to feel any sense of peace, she needed to finish her journey. And if she came back on her own, then that would be right.
He could feel his own throat tighten up, making it very difficult for him to say what he needed to. But he knew that it was the right thing to do. "Christina, listen to me." she gave him all of her attention as he continued on. "ever since you started chatting me up on that bus, I have felt incredibly blessed. And now that you're here I can see how special you are. You will always have a home here. But you know as well as I do that you can't stay here now. You have to see your best friend and have that time with her and I and this house will be here when you come back, if you decide to."
Christina nodded. He was right. She gave him a huge hug before getting up. "can I take a shower at least before I go?"
"of course, and then I will take you out for some breakfast so you are ready for your trip."
Christina smiled at him as she nodded again, her stomach suddenly growling angrily and her brain in much need of some yummy coffee. In a flash she was looking through her bag for some clean clothes, realizing too late that she was quickly running out. "hmmmm.... Maybe I can bring breakfast to you while you get cleaned up and do some laundry?" Ryan asked.
Christina beamed at this as she found her last clean outfit: a purple v-neck T-shirt with skeletons, bikini cut undies with a butterfly on the butt, and a pair of olive green cargo pants. It wasn't the best combination, but it would have to do.
"I will take a French vanilla coffee with two creams and two sugars," she said. "consider it done!" Ryan answered as he grabbed his keys.
Christina's stomach was seriously protesting as she put her laundry in the wash first before getting in the shower. By the time she was done, the first load would be done and ready to dry. Then they'd have breakfast and then maybe have time for a movie before everything was finished. And then she'd finally be off.
Chapter 8
Chapter 8
~~~~~~~~~~
Behind her eyes, images of a life began to dance in her mind. She was back in the house again, surrounded by the beachy smells, the pictures, the voices. She heard her best friend yammering on to somebody on the phone, her little niece screaming in childish delight as someone was chasing her. She couldn't see his face, but she could feel his energy surrounding her, trying to get her to remember. But the more she attempted to focus on him, the more the other images blurred, and she wanted to view the bigger picture. She wanted to take in the whole of this dream, to remember everything about this place.
She walked through the house, touching random objects as she walked by. There were pieces that remained unfamiliar to her, as if they didn't belong to her. And then she saw it. The ballerina music player her grandmother had that followed her to every phase in her life. She picked up this piece, amazed that it still worked after all these years. She wound the bottom, careful not to let the top fall off. The figure was in two pieces, with a small space in the middle to store a piece of jewelry. She was so happy it had made it to her dream house. She found the switch and let the ballerina dance.
Around her, everyone in her dream stopped what they were doing and came towards her. At first she didn't know what to think, but then her niece grabbed her hands and started twirling herself around. Then her best friend started twirling around on her own, not needing a partner. Everyone just started holding hands and molding into one another. Christina could feel her feet planting themselves onto the hardwood floor. Suddenly in her dream the music stopped. She looked around to see everyone staring at her, not being able to move their feet, either. "Auntie Christina, come home, we miss you," little Winter Grace whispered softly. Then she picked up her feet and danced around Christina.
She found that at this point she was also able to move her feet. She walked to the sliding glass door and opened it, letting the salty ocean air attach itself to her skin. She stepped onto the sand, feeling the warmth of it crunch beneath her feet. Little miss Winter Grace was suddenly on one side of her, holding her left hand. She felt someone strong grab onto her right hand. When she looked up to see his face, she could finally see. It was...
"Jimmy!" she said the name out loud, her chest starting to feel tight. She tried dropping his hand but it was no use, he was not letting go of her. A look in his eyes pleaded for her to stop trying to let go and just let him have this moment. She couldn't look into his eyes another second. "Jimmy!!" she said again, and woke up with a start.
Ryan gave her a look through the rear view mirror, narrowly escaping a raccoon crossing the street. "bad dream?" he asked, a look of concern shooting through his face. "where are we?" Christina answered back. Answering a question with a question. It was avoidance, yes, but right now it was all she was willing to put up with. "home sweet home," Ryan said, pulling up into a driveway.
Christina couldn't believe it. She had slept the entire rest of the way back. She was so thankful and felt guilty all at once. It was like Ryan could read the look on her face. "don't worry about it. Your dreamy conversations kept me pretty entertained the whole time."
Christina scrambled out of the backseat. She was so embarrassed she just wanted to get into the house, crash somewhere, and not wake up till morning. Ryan got out of the driver's seat and ran to her side. She could see he was truly concerned, mixed in with mildly entertained. "it wasn't anything bad, I promise. You were commenting on different things inside a house, apparently it's a beautiful one. You were watching Sam's kid running around with who I can only assume is someone you know."
"Jimmy." Christina choked the name out. Ryan's eyes fell to the ground as he nodded, dropping the conversation immediately. "let's get you into the house before you fall over on the lawn."
"that would be great."
Ryan lead the way, his keys making a jingling sound in his hands as he searched for his house key in the dark. Christina followed up him the walk, carrying everything she owned with her, her bike included. She wasn't going to take any chances in a place she'd never been in before.
Finally, they were inside. Taking a look around, Christina noted that the house wasn't as shabby as she had pictured it. The houses surrounding it were all 80's style cookie cutter houses. He probably lived in one of those neighborhoods where everyone's house looked the same as everyone else's, and there were few variations depending on style. This one was a separated ranch style house, with both stairs leading down to a sort of basement turned into living area, and an upstairs that had three bedrooms and a bathroom. The floor they were on now had a living room in the front, followed by the kitchen. She realized that if it were all on one floor it wouldn't be a very big house, but it was a nice one. She was glad to be in a house with real air conditioning, as opposed to the car or the bus that just filtered everybody's different smells. This one smelled like home.
"you want something to eat or drink before I show you where you're going to sleep?" Ryan asked, his face light. It had been so long since he'd had anybody else in his home, at first he was nervous he was going to screw it up. But Christina just answered politely, "I think I'd just like it if you showed me where I was going to sleep." "fair enough," Ryan said, beckoning for her to follow him up the stairs.
The first door they came upon was on the left, shortly after they finished climbing the stairs. "your room, Madame," Ryan said with a fake English accent. He flicked on the lights and she could see that the room could use a woman's touch. Ryan explained that it used to be his room before his parents were killed, leaving him the house and everything in it. That was why he was on the road most of the time, he couldn't stand the idea of spending any more time than necessary in the house, yet he couldn't stand to sell it, either. Christina took one look around and scrunched up her nose. "come on, I have a better idea." she took his hand and lead him down the stairs until they were in the living room that was in the bottom part of the house.
"why don't you fix us some popcorn and we will watch some movies have a sleep over." Ryan wasn't sure but he didn't think grownups had sleep overs, at least not platonic ones. But there was a sparkle in her eye that he couldn't ignore. He simply could not say no to that face. "okay, you set up our sleeping area and pick out a couple of movies, and I will make us some popcorn. What do you want to drink?"
"just water would be fine."
"popcorn and water, coming right up."
Ryan left to go make the popcorn and got a water for Christina and a soda for himself. He was glad he decided to grab a box of popcorn on his last grocery run, which had been a week before. Most of the food in his cabinets were boxed, if there was any food at all. Looking down at Christina going through his DVDs and fixing up what looked like a very comfy sleeping area made entirely out of pillows, he wished she could stay more than one night. But knowing what he knew of her already, he knew the chances of her not getting scared and running were slim. He would not chance it. He was just going to make the best out of the time he did have with her.
Ryan could see how a man could get caught up in this beautiful woman. She had a face that was so expressive, she didn't need to tell you what she thought. Every emotion she felt was written all over it. Her eyes could just make you melt if you stared too long into them, and she had a laugh that was incredibly infectious. He could not understand why anyone would be stupid enough to let her go, even that Jimmy guy she kept dreaming about. Even though she dumped him, if he had half a brain he wouldn't have let her go. Ryan looked over at her watching the movie she had picked, Gramma's Boy, and laughing hysterically. She told him that she never got around to seeing it, so he put it on for her. He had watched it way too many times, trying to empty his mind of anything that would make him feel pain. He stocked up on every comedy he could find, and although as time went on he finally branched out to the other genres, there was always a way bigger section of everything funny.
Christina's laughter filled up the entire house. It had been a long while since a woman's laughter had echoed on the walls of the house. The laughter filled every room, and as it did, it made the house feel so much lighter than it did when they first set foot inside.
Suddenly the laughter quieted down. Ryan looked over and saw Christina sprawled out on the bed she had made for them made entirely out of pillows and blankets, her eyes fighting to stay open. "I can shut the movie off, if you'd like,"
"no, it's okay," Christina whispered sleepily.
"it's not a big deal," Ryan said as he started to get up.
"please don't leave me," Christina said suddenly.
"not even to get up and shut the movie off?" "nope."
Ryan stared incredulously at her, who was obviously almost all the way asleep. He sighed and stayed put, resigned to the idea that even in sleep, Christina would love to try and win an argument.
There was no argument to be made here, as Ryan got comfortable amongst the pillows. He looked at her one more time, not wanting to close his eyes, because he wasn't sure if she would still be there when he opened them. As soon as he was about to fall asleep, he felt something. It was Christina, she was rolling over towards him. Trying to be a gentleman, he tried to give her enough space to sleep on her own, but she finally caught up to him. She wrapped herself in his arms, planted a kiss on his cheek, smiled, and rested with her head on his chest. And that was how she stayed until morning.
~~~~~~~~~~
Behind her eyes, images of a life began to dance in her mind. She was back in the house again, surrounded by the beachy smells, the pictures, the voices. She heard her best friend yammering on to somebody on the phone, her little niece screaming in childish delight as someone was chasing her. She couldn't see his face, but she could feel his energy surrounding her, trying to get her to remember. But the more she attempted to focus on him, the more the other images blurred, and she wanted to view the bigger picture. She wanted to take in the whole of this dream, to remember everything about this place.
She walked through the house, touching random objects as she walked by. There were pieces that remained unfamiliar to her, as if they didn't belong to her. And then she saw it. The ballerina music player her grandmother had that followed her to every phase in her life. She picked up this piece, amazed that it still worked after all these years. She wound the bottom, careful not to let the top fall off. The figure was in two pieces, with a small space in the middle to store a piece of jewelry. She was so happy it had made it to her dream house. She found the switch and let the ballerina dance.
Around her, everyone in her dream stopped what they were doing and came towards her. At first she didn't know what to think, but then her niece grabbed her hands and started twirling herself around. Then her best friend started twirling around on her own, not needing a partner. Everyone just started holding hands and molding into one another. Christina could feel her feet planting themselves onto the hardwood floor. Suddenly in her dream the music stopped. She looked around to see everyone staring at her, not being able to move their feet, either. "Auntie Christina, come home, we miss you," little Winter Grace whispered softly. Then she picked up her feet and danced around Christina.
She found that at this point she was also able to move her feet. She walked to the sliding glass door and opened it, letting the salty ocean air attach itself to her skin. She stepped onto the sand, feeling the warmth of it crunch beneath her feet. Little miss Winter Grace was suddenly on one side of her, holding her left hand. She felt someone strong grab onto her right hand. When she looked up to see his face, she could finally see. It was...
"Jimmy!" she said the name out loud, her chest starting to feel tight. She tried dropping his hand but it was no use, he was not letting go of her. A look in his eyes pleaded for her to stop trying to let go and just let him have this moment. She couldn't look into his eyes another second. "Jimmy!!" she said again, and woke up with a start.
Ryan gave her a look through the rear view mirror, narrowly escaping a raccoon crossing the street. "bad dream?" he asked, a look of concern shooting through his face. "where are we?" Christina answered back. Answering a question with a question. It was avoidance, yes, but right now it was all she was willing to put up with. "home sweet home," Ryan said, pulling up into a driveway.
Christina couldn't believe it. She had slept the entire rest of the way back. She was so thankful and felt guilty all at once. It was like Ryan could read the look on her face. "don't worry about it. Your dreamy conversations kept me pretty entertained the whole time."
Christina scrambled out of the backseat. She was so embarrassed she just wanted to get into the house, crash somewhere, and not wake up till morning. Ryan got out of the driver's seat and ran to her side. She could see he was truly concerned, mixed in with mildly entertained. "it wasn't anything bad, I promise. You were commenting on different things inside a house, apparently it's a beautiful one. You were watching Sam's kid running around with who I can only assume is someone you know."
"Jimmy." Christina choked the name out. Ryan's eyes fell to the ground as he nodded, dropping the conversation immediately. "let's get you into the house before you fall over on the lawn."
"that would be great."
Ryan lead the way, his keys making a jingling sound in his hands as he searched for his house key in the dark. Christina followed up him the walk, carrying everything she owned with her, her bike included. She wasn't going to take any chances in a place she'd never been in before.
Finally, they were inside. Taking a look around, Christina noted that the house wasn't as shabby as she had pictured it. The houses surrounding it were all 80's style cookie cutter houses. He probably lived in one of those neighborhoods where everyone's house looked the same as everyone else's, and there were few variations depending on style. This one was a separated ranch style house, with both stairs leading down to a sort of basement turned into living area, and an upstairs that had three bedrooms and a bathroom. The floor they were on now had a living room in the front, followed by the kitchen. She realized that if it were all on one floor it wouldn't be a very big house, but it was a nice one. She was glad to be in a house with real air conditioning, as opposed to the car or the bus that just filtered everybody's different smells. This one smelled like home.
"you want something to eat or drink before I show you where you're going to sleep?" Ryan asked, his face light. It had been so long since he'd had anybody else in his home, at first he was nervous he was going to screw it up. But Christina just answered politely, "I think I'd just like it if you showed me where I was going to sleep." "fair enough," Ryan said, beckoning for her to follow him up the stairs.
The first door they came upon was on the left, shortly after they finished climbing the stairs. "your room, Madame," Ryan said with a fake English accent. He flicked on the lights and she could see that the room could use a woman's touch. Ryan explained that it used to be his room before his parents were killed, leaving him the house and everything in it. That was why he was on the road most of the time, he couldn't stand the idea of spending any more time than necessary in the house, yet he couldn't stand to sell it, either. Christina took one look around and scrunched up her nose. "come on, I have a better idea." she took his hand and lead him down the stairs until they were in the living room that was in the bottom part of the house.
"why don't you fix us some popcorn and we will watch some movies have a sleep over." Ryan wasn't sure but he didn't think grownups had sleep overs, at least not platonic ones. But there was a sparkle in her eye that he couldn't ignore. He simply could not say no to that face. "okay, you set up our sleeping area and pick out a couple of movies, and I will make us some popcorn. What do you want to drink?"
"just water would be fine."
"popcorn and water, coming right up."
Ryan left to go make the popcorn and got a water for Christina and a soda for himself. He was glad he decided to grab a box of popcorn on his last grocery run, which had been a week before. Most of the food in his cabinets were boxed, if there was any food at all. Looking down at Christina going through his DVDs and fixing up what looked like a very comfy sleeping area made entirely out of pillows, he wished she could stay more than one night. But knowing what he knew of her already, he knew the chances of her not getting scared and running were slim. He would not chance it. He was just going to make the best out of the time he did have with her.
Ryan could see how a man could get caught up in this beautiful woman. She had a face that was so expressive, she didn't need to tell you what she thought. Every emotion she felt was written all over it. Her eyes could just make you melt if you stared too long into them, and she had a laugh that was incredibly infectious. He could not understand why anyone would be stupid enough to let her go, even that Jimmy guy she kept dreaming about. Even though she dumped him, if he had half a brain he wouldn't have let her go. Ryan looked over at her watching the movie she had picked, Gramma's Boy, and laughing hysterically. She told him that she never got around to seeing it, so he put it on for her. He had watched it way too many times, trying to empty his mind of anything that would make him feel pain. He stocked up on every comedy he could find, and although as time went on he finally branched out to the other genres, there was always a way bigger section of everything funny.
Christina's laughter filled up the entire house. It had been a long while since a woman's laughter had echoed on the walls of the house. The laughter filled every room, and as it did, it made the house feel so much lighter than it did when they first set foot inside.
Suddenly the laughter quieted down. Ryan looked over and saw Christina sprawled out on the bed she had made for them made entirely out of pillows and blankets, her eyes fighting to stay open. "I can shut the movie off, if you'd like,"
"no, it's okay," Christina whispered sleepily.
"it's not a big deal," Ryan said as he started to get up.
"please don't leave me," Christina said suddenly.
"not even to get up and shut the movie off?" "nope."
Ryan stared incredulously at her, who was obviously almost all the way asleep. He sighed and stayed put, resigned to the idea that even in sleep, Christina would love to try and win an argument.
There was no argument to be made here, as Ryan got comfortable amongst the pillows. He looked at her one more time, not wanting to close his eyes, because he wasn't sure if she would still be there when he opened them. As soon as he was about to fall asleep, he felt something. It was Christina, she was rolling over towards him. Trying to be a gentleman, he tried to give her enough space to sleep on her own, but she finally caught up to him. She wrapped herself in his arms, planted a kiss on his cheek, smiled, and rested with her head on his chest. And that was how she stayed until morning.
Chapter 7
Chapter 7:
~~~~~~~~~~
Christina pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car. Suddenly, the past few months flew at her in a blur. When she found him lying in a pool of his own blood, something in her snapped. Suddenly she didn't want to be her anymore. She told her photography job that she was taking a leave of absence. Her boss loved her work and told her the job would be there when she got back. She threw her cell phone away immediately. All it did was remind her of him and she didn't need that reminder following her around.
Her mother had insisted that if she was going to ride her bike around the country, she was going to need some form of communication. So Christina allowed not just her mom but several of her friends to lend her their cell phones in case one got lost or something happened to the battery. Christina would have preferred complete silence but she couldn't shut her mother out completely. She just knew that she couldn't stay there.
Ryan stretched and opened his eyes. What the hell, they weren't moving. He looked at the driver's seat and found that Christina wasn't even in the car. What in the hell did he miss?
He wiped the sleep out of his eyes once more and stretched again before sitting upright. His neck was killing him from the strained position it was in but from looking around he could tell he was almost home.
He got out of the car to find Christina looking out at the horizon. There was a small beach right by the shoreline and it was almost sunset. They were finally in Georgia and they would be at his house in an hour.
He walked over, careful not to spook her. She was sitting on a rock staring out into the vast blue where the sky met water, tears slowly falling down her face.
She didn't even bother wiping them away as he sat down next to her. "you okay?" he asked, his voice worried.
Her voice cracked a little as she talked. "he loved the ocean. We would take trips sometimes to collect shells and sea glass. We even had jars to save pieces we really loved. But then he stopped coming to the beach with me. He never left his apartment. He stopped throwing garbage away. And even his appearance changed. He stopped shaving, stopped getting his hair cut. He was even getting a little skinnier."
Ryan could only assume she was talking about her ex. She had mentioned being on the road because of an accident but she had never said anything else. He looked over at her to see why she had stopped talking only to see her face crumpled, more tears coming down her cheeks. It broke his heart to see this beautifully strong woman break down. He put his arm on her back, not really sure if she wanted to be comforted or not. With that gesture she collapsed into his chest, crying for a good while before finally sighing and collecting herself. He put his arms around her and gave her a hug. He still didn't know the whole story but he didn't care as long as she stopped crying.
After a while, she picked her head up again. The tears had mostly dried on her face, but his shirt was now soaked where they had fallen. "sorry about your shirt," she said, her voice raw. He shook his head. "as long as it made you stop crying, my whole shirt could be soaked and I wouldn't care." she cracked a smile and managed a soft giggle. Suddenly she felt like she couldn't sit still anymore. Ryan was still good company, she just had to move her legs. She had the panicky feeling again, and moving around seemed to help that. She grabbed his hand and lead him towards the water's edge.
"I need to tell you something, and it's not going to be easy," she started. "you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Ryan said gently, squeezing her hand. "no, I need to tell the story. I need to get it out of me so it can stop eating me up inside."
Christina took a deep breath. She had no idea where she was going to begin, so just started with the first words that came out of her mouth.
"I loved him so much, it hurt. I really thought he was the one I was going to marry and have babies with. He was the best thing that happened to me. And then it all went to shit."
Christina cleared her throat before continuing. She took a deep breath and continued her heartbreaking tale.
As she recanted the story of how the whole bloody mess unfolded, of all the nights she stayed up late worrying and all the doubts she kept pushing away, she realized something. There was nothing she could have done to save Ben from himself. He was hellbent on destroying himself and that wasn't anywhere she needed to be. It made her run to the point of exhaustion. To think that because of this incredibly selfish man, she was so afraid of love that she was willing to travel across the country just to get away from the pain.
But of course she would never be able to outrun it. It would always come to haunt her because she would always find some unsuspecting and perfectly nice boy to hang out with until he showed some type of feeling for her and then of course she would be gone.
But for some reason, she didn't want that to be the case with this one. Even though she had only known him for a short period of time, looking into his eyes she knew that her words were safe with him. She felt that they had a genuine connection, had known it since she set foot on that bus and sat behind him. And now here she was sobbing in front of him, telling him the most painful parts of her, and he wasn't making a fuss or telling her she was stupid for running away or anything. He just let her talk and cry.
It was at this point that Christina felt the tears coming again. It was the part where she found her exboyfriend dead that caused her to run time and time again. So she wouldn't have to be this vulnerable again. Ryan squeezed her hand gently.
"something bad happened, didn't it." her face crumpled and the tears were streaming down her face again. She honestly didn't know if she could say this part out loud, but somewhere she found the strength. "I found his body. I think a piece of my soul broke apart from me right then and there. The person I was before that moment is gone. The person I am now, well, I'm not sure who that even is yet or if I even like her."
After she finished her story, she stopped walking and fell onto her knees in the sand. It was almost sunset and she was too close to the water's edge to stay dry but she didn't care. She welcomed the cool water soaking her clothes. She let the water wash away the pain of remembering. She looked up at Ryan's face and knew that he was absolutely the right person she could share this story with. She got up and took his hand again, suddenly having another flashback of that night.
"as I was on the phone with dispatch, I came across feet. I stuck my head into the bathroom and saw that it looked like he had been standing and then fell. There was a needle in his arm and he was laying in a pool of his own blood. It looked like what he did was shoot up while standing and it was such a large amount of heroin that he collapsed and smacked his head on the bathroom sink on the way down. And by the time the paramedics got there, I had already been passed out and Hunter was laying beside me. He wouldn't let the paramedics come help me at first so once they saw that I was breathing and the blood on me was from the dog, they got the body out of there before waking me up. Hunter was such a good boy, he licked my face until I woke up. I got an ambulance ride and he came with me and never left my side. My parents had to adopt him. Even though he's a bigger dog than they're used to, he's sort of become the family dog. My mom even holds the phone up to his ear so he can hear my voice."
Ryan waited for her to stop talking for a little while before he got the guts to speak up.
"I'm not even sure of what to say right now. Thank you for sharing all of this with me." They embraced for a short while before heading back. The sun was dipping below the horizon and although Ryan was okay to drive, he knew Christina needed a real bed, a real shower, a real meal, and a real night's sleep.
They walked back together in silence, both contemplating the contents of Christina's story. Christina was thankful to have found someone she felt she could share her story with. The tears she had cried were behind her now, belonging to this beautiful beach where the water could absorb them along with every horrible emotion she had kept bottled up inside. For the first time since being on this trip, she was beginning to feel like she was on the right track.
Ryan was stunned by everything this woman had been through. One minute she's the beautiful woman sitting behind him on his bus, asking if she can get dropped off so she can ride her bike the rest of the way to her friend's house, the next minute she's sobbing on a Georgia beach, telling him things she never had the strength to tell anyone else. He knew she was special the minute he laid eyes on her but he had no idea how much. Lots of people would go mad if something like that happened to them. Granted, she was baring her soul to someone she just met, but he knew better than to hurt her. It almost felt cruel for him to let her go after she spent the night at his house. It wasn't even like he just wanted to have his way with her and be done with it. He was too busy actually caring about her to worry about anything remotely sexual. All he knew was that for some reason, they were put together on this journey. He knew without any prompting that it was his duty to make sure she arrived safely at her destination.
As they got to the car, the sun had finally finished setting. Christina handed Ryan the keys before climbing into the backseat to take her turn napping. Ryan smiled as he got into the front seat, remembering just two days ago when this beautiful woman stepped onto his bus in a very similar fashion. She had been able to keep him awake out of curiosity at first, but as they got to know each other her story was too compelling for him to turn away from. And now they were on their last leg of their journey together before she left for Florida. Even if he was still sleepy, her story would be playing in his head the whole way home, even if she slept the whole way.
He readjusted his rear view mirror and his seat as she made herself comfortable with pillows and a blanket. She looked so adorable all curled up in the backseat. He stole one more glance at her as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Finally, he started the car and once again they were on their way.
~~~~~~~~~~
Christina pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car. Suddenly, the past few months flew at her in a blur. When she found him lying in a pool of his own blood, something in her snapped. Suddenly she didn't want to be her anymore. She told her photography job that she was taking a leave of absence. Her boss loved her work and told her the job would be there when she got back. She threw her cell phone away immediately. All it did was remind her of him and she didn't need that reminder following her around.
Her mother had insisted that if she was going to ride her bike around the country, she was going to need some form of communication. So Christina allowed not just her mom but several of her friends to lend her their cell phones in case one got lost or something happened to the battery. Christina would have preferred complete silence but she couldn't shut her mother out completely. She just knew that she couldn't stay there.
Ryan stretched and opened his eyes. What the hell, they weren't moving. He looked at the driver's seat and found that Christina wasn't even in the car. What in the hell did he miss?
He wiped the sleep out of his eyes once more and stretched again before sitting upright. His neck was killing him from the strained position it was in but from looking around he could tell he was almost home.
He got out of the car to find Christina looking out at the horizon. There was a small beach right by the shoreline and it was almost sunset. They were finally in Georgia and they would be at his house in an hour.
He walked over, careful not to spook her. She was sitting on a rock staring out into the vast blue where the sky met water, tears slowly falling down her face.
She didn't even bother wiping them away as he sat down next to her. "you okay?" he asked, his voice worried.
Her voice cracked a little as she talked. "he loved the ocean. We would take trips sometimes to collect shells and sea glass. We even had jars to save pieces we really loved. But then he stopped coming to the beach with me. He never left his apartment. He stopped throwing garbage away. And even his appearance changed. He stopped shaving, stopped getting his hair cut. He was even getting a little skinnier."
Ryan could only assume she was talking about her ex. She had mentioned being on the road because of an accident but she had never said anything else. He looked over at her to see why she had stopped talking only to see her face crumpled, more tears coming down her cheeks. It broke his heart to see this beautifully strong woman break down. He put his arm on her back, not really sure if she wanted to be comforted or not. With that gesture she collapsed into his chest, crying for a good while before finally sighing and collecting herself. He put his arms around her and gave her a hug. He still didn't know the whole story but he didn't care as long as she stopped crying.
After a while, she picked her head up again. The tears had mostly dried on her face, but his shirt was now soaked where they had fallen. "sorry about your shirt," she said, her voice raw. He shook his head. "as long as it made you stop crying, my whole shirt could be soaked and I wouldn't care." she cracked a smile and managed a soft giggle. Suddenly she felt like she couldn't sit still anymore. Ryan was still good company, she just had to move her legs. She had the panicky feeling again, and moving around seemed to help that. She grabbed his hand and lead him towards the water's edge.
"I need to tell you something, and it's not going to be easy," she started. "you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Ryan said gently, squeezing her hand. "no, I need to tell the story. I need to get it out of me so it can stop eating me up inside."
Christina took a deep breath. She had no idea where she was going to begin, so just started with the first words that came out of her mouth.
"I loved him so much, it hurt. I really thought he was the one I was going to marry and have babies with. He was the best thing that happened to me. And then it all went to shit."
Christina cleared her throat before continuing. She took a deep breath and continued her heartbreaking tale.
As she recanted the story of how the whole bloody mess unfolded, of all the nights she stayed up late worrying and all the doubts she kept pushing away, she realized something. There was nothing she could have done to save Ben from himself. He was hellbent on destroying himself and that wasn't anywhere she needed to be. It made her run to the point of exhaustion. To think that because of this incredibly selfish man, she was so afraid of love that she was willing to travel across the country just to get away from the pain.
But of course she would never be able to outrun it. It would always come to haunt her because she would always find some unsuspecting and perfectly nice boy to hang out with until he showed some type of feeling for her and then of course she would be gone.
But for some reason, she didn't want that to be the case with this one. Even though she had only known him for a short period of time, looking into his eyes she knew that her words were safe with him. She felt that they had a genuine connection, had known it since she set foot on that bus and sat behind him. And now here she was sobbing in front of him, telling him the most painful parts of her, and he wasn't making a fuss or telling her she was stupid for running away or anything. He just let her talk and cry.
It was at this point that Christina felt the tears coming again. It was the part where she found her exboyfriend dead that caused her to run time and time again. So she wouldn't have to be this vulnerable again. Ryan squeezed her hand gently.
"something bad happened, didn't it." her face crumpled and the tears were streaming down her face again. She honestly didn't know if she could say this part out loud, but somewhere she found the strength. "I found his body. I think a piece of my soul broke apart from me right then and there. The person I was before that moment is gone. The person I am now, well, I'm not sure who that even is yet or if I even like her."
After she finished her story, she stopped walking and fell onto her knees in the sand. It was almost sunset and she was too close to the water's edge to stay dry but she didn't care. She welcomed the cool water soaking her clothes. She let the water wash away the pain of remembering. She looked up at Ryan's face and knew that he was absolutely the right person she could share this story with. She got up and took his hand again, suddenly having another flashback of that night.
"as I was on the phone with dispatch, I came across feet. I stuck my head into the bathroom and saw that it looked like he had been standing and then fell. There was a needle in his arm and he was laying in a pool of his own blood. It looked like what he did was shoot up while standing and it was such a large amount of heroin that he collapsed and smacked his head on the bathroom sink on the way down. And by the time the paramedics got there, I had already been passed out and Hunter was laying beside me. He wouldn't let the paramedics come help me at first so once they saw that I was breathing and the blood on me was from the dog, they got the body out of there before waking me up. Hunter was such a good boy, he licked my face until I woke up. I got an ambulance ride and he came with me and never left my side. My parents had to adopt him. Even though he's a bigger dog than they're used to, he's sort of become the family dog. My mom even holds the phone up to his ear so he can hear my voice."
Ryan waited for her to stop talking for a little while before he got the guts to speak up.
"I'm not even sure of what to say right now. Thank you for sharing all of this with me." They embraced for a short while before heading back. The sun was dipping below the horizon and although Ryan was okay to drive, he knew Christina needed a real bed, a real shower, a real meal, and a real night's sleep.
They walked back together in silence, both contemplating the contents of Christina's story. Christina was thankful to have found someone she felt she could share her story with. The tears she had cried were behind her now, belonging to this beautiful beach where the water could absorb them along with every horrible emotion she had kept bottled up inside. For the first time since being on this trip, she was beginning to feel like she was on the right track.
Ryan was stunned by everything this woman had been through. One minute she's the beautiful woman sitting behind him on his bus, asking if she can get dropped off so she can ride her bike the rest of the way to her friend's house, the next minute she's sobbing on a Georgia beach, telling him things she never had the strength to tell anyone else. He knew she was special the minute he laid eyes on her but he had no idea how much. Lots of people would go mad if something like that happened to them. Granted, she was baring her soul to someone she just met, but he knew better than to hurt her. It almost felt cruel for him to let her go after she spent the night at his house. It wasn't even like he just wanted to have his way with her and be done with it. He was too busy actually caring about her to worry about anything remotely sexual. All he knew was that for some reason, they were put together on this journey. He knew without any prompting that it was his duty to make sure she arrived safely at her destination.
As they got to the car, the sun had finally finished setting. Christina handed Ryan the keys before climbing into the backseat to take her turn napping. Ryan smiled as he got into the front seat, remembering just two days ago when this beautiful woman stepped onto his bus in a very similar fashion. She had been able to keep him awake out of curiosity at first, but as they got to know each other her story was too compelling for him to turn away from. And now they were on their last leg of their journey together before she left for Florida. Even if he was still sleepy, her story would be playing in his head the whole way home, even if she slept the whole way.
He readjusted his rear view mirror and his seat as she made herself comfortable with pillows and a blanket. She looked so adorable all curled up in the backseat. He stole one more glance at her as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Finally, he started the car and once again they were on their way.
Chapter 6
Chapter 6:
~~~~~~~~~~
The road was quietly spread out before Christina. The countryside was a beautiful array of cornfields and farms, on a backdrop of clear blue sky. She was so glad she had chosen to get out of her home and see the beautiful landscape. Her new friend was asleep in the backseat, and his car drove like it was brand new even though the upholstry had seen better days. She wondered why a guy living in Savannah, Georgia, would choose to be on the road 200+ days a year, but the question made her look at her own life. How had she gotten here?
She thought back on her last serious relationship, the one that made her run. He was the love of her life. Her best friend. When she thought of him now, she often wondered, "what in the hell happened?" He wasn't the most social guy, but that didn't matter to her. He was funny, had had a wicked sense of humor that was one of the things that initially attracted her to him. He had a very sensitive side, one she was sure not everyone could see but she could see it in the way he took care of his animals. He had 3 cats, and 1 dog that was a giant black ball of crazy. Her heart ached for that dog, and she could feel a tear rising as she thought of how she loved spending the night squished in between her man and his dog. Her two men, she would often say.
He lived simply, not needing a lot of space to live but just something to call his own. He had just moved into his own apartment when they started dating and a part of her felt like his place was also hers because she had helped him move into it. Their relationship wasn't defined at this point, but she was just so happy to be with someone she felt wasn't like the rest. This one was "different."
The beginning of their relationship was a far cry from what it turned into near the end. Although she tried remaining positive, she could feel their connection slipping farther and farther away and she had no idea why. He still seemed like he loved her and wanted to be with her, yet he was okay with not seeing her. And it wasn't like they lived very far apart. In fact, she could walk over to his house if she wanted to. Many nights she would pray for him before going to sleep. She would try to make sense in her head the many questions she still to this day never really got the answers for. Like why he started.
She knew he had a bit of a past with drugs. He claimed to research everything that he put into his body beforehand so he would know exactly what to expect from each drug. And he only did drugs when wanting to expand his mind. He bragged to have had more experiences in his life than any other human being, but Christina doubted that anyone who has never been in an airplane before has had more experiences than anyone who had been and could travel. She knew that just going to the airport alone was an experience.
The drugs he did were mainly for experiemental use only, and by the time she had met him he had told her that while he was always up for a new experience, he had his choices that he preferred and barely did them anymore. So when the subject of heroin came up, she was not expecting to be so uncomfortable about the topic, even in conversation.
Christina could remember the first time she saw him. She had been in her favorite place in the world, her local library. She was in a big comfy chair in front of a fire place reading a book when he sat down beside her. She was so engrossed in her book she didn't even notice that for the first 20 minutes he had sat down next to her, he didn't even open the book sitting on his lap.
She lifted her neck to stretch it when she noticed him staring at her. He didn't even try to play it like he hadn't been staring. Instead he smiled at her and started with what had been on his mind for the past 20 minutes. "hello. You are gorgeous. I'm Ben, it's nice to meet you." Christina was so stunned she could feel her face flushing a deep shade of crimson. Was he crazy? She was wrapped up in her favorite jacket, torn jeans, not-even-brushed pony tail, and glasses because she was too lazy to put in her contacts. As a photographer she barely got days off but when she did, she wasn't out to impress anyone.
She had two choices. She could give him the stink eye and put her nose back into her book and ignore him completely, or she could smile back at him. She gave him the once over. He looked a little scruffy, but in a sexy nerd kind of way. Although his clothing choice made her wonder if he had just rolled out of bed, the generous amount of gel in his hair told her otherwise. Looking into his electric green eyes she felt instantly at home, like she had just ran into an old friend. She reached out her hand and introduced herself to him. "the name's Christina. Nice to meet you."
For the next few months, they were inseparable.
Christina had always said that it was that feeling you got when you were sinking into bed at the end of the night. Wrapped up in your favorite sheets, snuggling with that ratty old Teddy bear your first exboyfriend got for you at the fair when you were 14 that you never had the heart to throw away with nowhere to be in the morning. That's what it felt like every moment she was with Ben. She woke up to good morning texts every morning, and every day while they were apart they would text each other and send pictures. Each night they would talk for hours until one of them passed out. Their schedules were a bit different so they couldn't always see each other; he was an IT guy for a computer company and she was a photographer who sometimes had long distance assignments, but they made it work.
Then one day it all changed. Christina had been out on assignment and hadn't heard from her boyfriend all day. She texted him to say goodnight the previous evening but she never heard back. She told herself that it was nothing, he'd get back to her when he could. He was a little stressed out at work and when she left, something had been different.
When she got home, she texted him telling him she was and asked if he wanted to hang out. "maybe tomorrow, not feeling good tonight," was all he wrote before disappearing again.
It went on like this for a while. Sometimes he'd talk her ear off and they would talk about everything and it would be like old times. As soon as she could feel herself breathing again, she could tell that the wind would change. He would get short with her. He would tell her things that didn't make sense. He would get sick and not see her for weeks on end.
On the outside, she was trying to keep it together. Her friends would ask her what happened to Ben and she'd make up something like he wasn't feeling well or had to work, all the while wondering herself what wad going on.
She decided to do a little detective work. Instead of texting him that she was coming for a visit, she drove over to his apartment complex. Her heart pounded as she took in a deep breath and tried calming her nerves. She kept telling herself that she had nothing to worry about, that absolutely nothing was going on. She said it to herself all the way to his bathroom window, before sneaking up to it to peek in.
Ben didn't live on the good side of town. In fact, his apartment complex was way too overpriced for an efficiency, but he could afford it if he kept his expenses low. It didn't make sense to her that a guy who was making as much as he was couldn't afford a real place but he kept telling her that this was only temporary, he'd only be there for a year before getting a real house with a yard for his dog.
Even though it wasn't the best place, she was welcomed by the neighbors. Everyone knew her as Ben's lady and looked out for her, chatted with her and were generally a friendly lot.
She decided on the bathroom first because she could just take a peek. The bathrooms were in the back and there was a little block so you couldn't exactly see your way to the front door. If there was anything to be seen or heard, there was no hiding it from her at that point.
She tried to act natural before approaching the window she knew to be his, before crouching down. The last thing she needed was his half chow, half German Shepard mix Hunter spotting her and barking at her. Crouching down she couldn't see anything, but she sure could hear something.
She heard her boyfriend's voice, sounding a little bit too frantic. He sounded like he was in a bit of a panic. He was definitely on the phone, she couldn't hear anyone else's voice. Feeling brave, she peeked her head above the brick wall and saw something disturbing: a needle on the bathroom counter. Right next to it was a spoon that looked like it had been burned, a lighter, and some tin foil. She also saw what looked like to be blood on the toilet seat.
She had been to his apartment a million times and had never seen any of this. Her brain refused to comprehend what she was seeing until she heard him screaming. "Nobody stole your $100, I just lost it. How dare you call me a junkie! I only use heroin for pain, you know that. Christina knows I use and she's okay with it, why can't you be?"
Christina is what?!?!!? Christina's ears were ringing so loudly she couldn't hear whatever else he was saying. Heroin?!?! Like FUCK she knew he was using it. She knew she didn't have a lot of time so she got out her cell phone. With shaky hands she took a picture of the bathroom before sinking back onto the ground and remaining there until a loud thump landed her back into the moment.
Coming up slowly, she could see her boyfriend sitting on the toilet. He didn't feel bothered by the fact that the blinds were up and the window was wide open. Peaking her head into the window she could see that he wasn't even paying attention to the window.
His hand was fixing the heroin, he was paying attention to not burning his hands while cooking the heroin on the cooking spoon. She watched in horror as he made his fix. She could guess that this is where his friend's money went. She watched as he sucked all the heroin into the needle from the spoon, watched as he tried to find a vein, watched him miss a couple. He was so out of it he didn't realize she was watching him until the needle found what it had been searching for and he lifted his head in euphoria.
They locked eyes for a second. Fumbling for her phone, Christina finally managed to get it out and snap a picture of him in all his glory before giving him the finger, walking away and climbing into her car. Before she stuck around long enough for him to find her, she put the keys in the ignition, put the car in reverse, and got the hell out of there.
For the entire drive home, she felt like she was in someone else's body. What had she just witnessed? Her boyfriend shooting up heroin? Not only that, listening to him tell someone else that she knew about it? On what planet would she knowingly date a heroin addict? Clearly this had gone beyond any experimental or pain management route. She had witnessed him shooting up in front of her while he didn't even notice that she was there. He didn't even bother hiding it, either. She didn't know whether or not she wanted to cry or throw up. One thing was for sure, she couldn't stay with him.
He didn't call right away. In fact, he left her alone for a whole 48 hours before suddenly bombarding her with phone calls and texts. She didn't answer any of them. What was there to say? Then, as quickly as the calls had come in, they stopped.
As much as she hated to do it, she had to know for sure. She had to see for herself. She had been in bed for a week, barely able to put herself together, but something in her bones was pushing her to go to his apartment.
It was dark and cold by the time she got into her car, but the adrenaline was pumping so fast in her veins that she barely noticed. It only took two minutes to drive to his apartment. By the time she got there she knew something was horribly wrong.
She practically sprinted to apartment number 5. She could hear Hunter braking frantically. Before she even realized what she was doing, she found the key to his apartment and was unlocking the door.
In an instant, she regretted her decision. Hunter was covered in blood and was tracking it everywhere. She finally got him to calm down. After calming the dog down, she called 911. There was no salvaging this. But she knew she had to do something, after not returning any of his calls or texts. While still on the phone with 911, she gave her location and the scene. "apartment is filthy, dog bloody, human not found yet." how could he not be found in this tiny apartment? And then it dawned on her... The bathroom. The woman on the phone instructed her to step as lightly as she could. Suddenly she saw feet. She gave out a little gasp. "what is it?" asked the woman on the phone. "I think I found... I found..." and then everything went black.
~~~~~~~~~~
The road was quietly spread out before Christina. The countryside was a beautiful array of cornfields and farms, on a backdrop of clear blue sky. She was so glad she had chosen to get out of her home and see the beautiful landscape. Her new friend was asleep in the backseat, and his car drove like it was brand new even though the upholstry had seen better days. She wondered why a guy living in Savannah, Georgia, would choose to be on the road 200+ days a year, but the question made her look at her own life. How had she gotten here?
She thought back on her last serious relationship, the one that made her run. He was the love of her life. Her best friend. When she thought of him now, she often wondered, "what in the hell happened?" He wasn't the most social guy, but that didn't matter to her. He was funny, had had a wicked sense of humor that was one of the things that initially attracted her to him. He had a very sensitive side, one she was sure not everyone could see but she could see it in the way he took care of his animals. He had 3 cats, and 1 dog that was a giant black ball of crazy. Her heart ached for that dog, and she could feel a tear rising as she thought of how she loved spending the night squished in between her man and his dog. Her two men, she would often say.
He lived simply, not needing a lot of space to live but just something to call his own. He had just moved into his own apartment when they started dating and a part of her felt like his place was also hers because she had helped him move into it. Their relationship wasn't defined at this point, but she was just so happy to be with someone she felt wasn't like the rest. This one was "different."
The beginning of their relationship was a far cry from what it turned into near the end. Although she tried remaining positive, she could feel their connection slipping farther and farther away and she had no idea why. He still seemed like he loved her and wanted to be with her, yet he was okay with not seeing her. And it wasn't like they lived very far apart. In fact, she could walk over to his house if she wanted to. Many nights she would pray for him before going to sleep. She would try to make sense in her head the many questions she still to this day never really got the answers for. Like why he started.
She knew he had a bit of a past with drugs. He claimed to research everything that he put into his body beforehand so he would know exactly what to expect from each drug. And he only did drugs when wanting to expand his mind. He bragged to have had more experiences in his life than any other human being, but Christina doubted that anyone who has never been in an airplane before has had more experiences than anyone who had been and could travel. She knew that just going to the airport alone was an experience.
The drugs he did were mainly for experiemental use only, and by the time she had met him he had told her that while he was always up for a new experience, he had his choices that he preferred and barely did them anymore. So when the subject of heroin came up, she was not expecting to be so uncomfortable about the topic, even in conversation.
Christina could remember the first time she saw him. She had been in her favorite place in the world, her local library. She was in a big comfy chair in front of a fire place reading a book when he sat down beside her. She was so engrossed in her book she didn't even notice that for the first 20 minutes he had sat down next to her, he didn't even open the book sitting on his lap.
She lifted her neck to stretch it when she noticed him staring at her. He didn't even try to play it like he hadn't been staring. Instead he smiled at her and started with what had been on his mind for the past 20 minutes. "hello. You are gorgeous. I'm Ben, it's nice to meet you." Christina was so stunned she could feel her face flushing a deep shade of crimson. Was he crazy? She was wrapped up in her favorite jacket, torn jeans, not-even-brushed pony tail, and glasses because she was too lazy to put in her contacts. As a photographer she barely got days off but when she did, she wasn't out to impress anyone.
She had two choices. She could give him the stink eye and put her nose back into her book and ignore him completely, or she could smile back at him. She gave him the once over. He looked a little scruffy, but in a sexy nerd kind of way. Although his clothing choice made her wonder if he had just rolled out of bed, the generous amount of gel in his hair told her otherwise. Looking into his electric green eyes she felt instantly at home, like she had just ran into an old friend. She reached out her hand and introduced herself to him. "the name's Christina. Nice to meet you."
For the next few months, they were inseparable.
Christina had always said that it was that feeling you got when you were sinking into bed at the end of the night. Wrapped up in your favorite sheets, snuggling with that ratty old Teddy bear your first exboyfriend got for you at the fair when you were 14 that you never had the heart to throw away with nowhere to be in the morning. That's what it felt like every moment she was with Ben. She woke up to good morning texts every morning, and every day while they were apart they would text each other and send pictures. Each night they would talk for hours until one of them passed out. Their schedules were a bit different so they couldn't always see each other; he was an IT guy for a computer company and she was a photographer who sometimes had long distance assignments, but they made it work.
Then one day it all changed. Christina had been out on assignment and hadn't heard from her boyfriend all day. She texted him to say goodnight the previous evening but she never heard back. She told herself that it was nothing, he'd get back to her when he could. He was a little stressed out at work and when she left, something had been different.
When she got home, she texted him telling him she was and asked if he wanted to hang out. "maybe tomorrow, not feeling good tonight," was all he wrote before disappearing again.
It went on like this for a while. Sometimes he'd talk her ear off and they would talk about everything and it would be like old times. As soon as she could feel herself breathing again, she could tell that the wind would change. He would get short with her. He would tell her things that didn't make sense. He would get sick and not see her for weeks on end.
On the outside, she was trying to keep it together. Her friends would ask her what happened to Ben and she'd make up something like he wasn't feeling well or had to work, all the while wondering herself what wad going on.
She decided to do a little detective work. Instead of texting him that she was coming for a visit, she drove over to his apartment complex. Her heart pounded as she took in a deep breath and tried calming her nerves. She kept telling herself that she had nothing to worry about, that absolutely nothing was going on. She said it to herself all the way to his bathroom window, before sneaking up to it to peek in.
Ben didn't live on the good side of town. In fact, his apartment complex was way too overpriced for an efficiency, but he could afford it if he kept his expenses low. It didn't make sense to her that a guy who was making as much as he was couldn't afford a real place but he kept telling her that this was only temporary, he'd only be there for a year before getting a real house with a yard for his dog.
Even though it wasn't the best place, she was welcomed by the neighbors. Everyone knew her as Ben's lady and looked out for her, chatted with her and were generally a friendly lot.
She decided on the bathroom first because she could just take a peek. The bathrooms were in the back and there was a little block so you couldn't exactly see your way to the front door. If there was anything to be seen or heard, there was no hiding it from her at that point.
She tried to act natural before approaching the window she knew to be his, before crouching down. The last thing she needed was his half chow, half German Shepard mix Hunter spotting her and barking at her. Crouching down she couldn't see anything, but she sure could hear something.
She heard her boyfriend's voice, sounding a little bit too frantic. He sounded like he was in a bit of a panic. He was definitely on the phone, she couldn't hear anyone else's voice. Feeling brave, she peeked her head above the brick wall and saw something disturbing: a needle on the bathroom counter. Right next to it was a spoon that looked like it had been burned, a lighter, and some tin foil. She also saw what looked like to be blood on the toilet seat.
She had been to his apartment a million times and had never seen any of this. Her brain refused to comprehend what she was seeing until she heard him screaming. "Nobody stole your $100, I just lost it. How dare you call me a junkie! I only use heroin for pain, you know that. Christina knows I use and she's okay with it, why can't you be?"
Christina is what?!?!!? Christina's ears were ringing so loudly she couldn't hear whatever else he was saying. Heroin?!?! Like FUCK she knew he was using it. She knew she didn't have a lot of time so she got out her cell phone. With shaky hands she took a picture of the bathroom before sinking back onto the ground and remaining there until a loud thump landed her back into the moment.
Coming up slowly, she could see her boyfriend sitting on the toilet. He didn't feel bothered by the fact that the blinds were up and the window was wide open. Peaking her head into the window she could see that he wasn't even paying attention to the window.
His hand was fixing the heroin, he was paying attention to not burning his hands while cooking the heroin on the cooking spoon. She watched in horror as he made his fix. She could guess that this is where his friend's money went. She watched as he sucked all the heroin into the needle from the spoon, watched as he tried to find a vein, watched him miss a couple. He was so out of it he didn't realize she was watching him until the needle found what it had been searching for and he lifted his head in euphoria.
They locked eyes for a second. Fumbling for her phone, Christina finally managed to get it out and snap a picture of him in all his glory before giving him the finger, walking away and climbing into her car. Before she stuck around long enough for him to find her, she put the keys in the ignition, put the car in reverse, and got the hell out of there.
For the entire drive home, she felt like she was in someone else's body. What had she just witnessed? Her boyfriend shooting up heroin? Not only that, listening to him tell someone else that she knew about it? On what planet would she knowingly date a heroin addict? Clearly this had gone beyond any experimental or pain management route. She had witnessed him shooting up in front of her while he didn't even notice that she was there. He didn't even bother hiding it, either. She didn't know whether or not she wanted to cry or throw up. One thing was for sure, she couldn't stay with him.
He didn't call right away. In fact, he left her alone for a whole 48 hours before suddenly bombarding her with phone calls and texts. She didn't answer any of them. What was there to say? Then, as quickly as the calls had come in, they stopped.
As much as she hated to do it, she had to know for sure. She had to see for herself. She had been in bed for a week, barely able to put herself together, but something in her bones was pushing her to go to his apartment.
It was dark and cold by the time she got into her car, but the adrenaline was pumping so fast in her veins that she barely noticed. It only took two minutes to drive to his apartment. By the time she got there she knew something was horribly wrong.
She practically sprinted to apartment number 5. She could hear Hunter braking frantically. Before she even realized what she was doing, she found the key to his apartment and was unlocking the door.
In an instant, she regretted her decision. Hunter was covered in blood and was tracking it everywhere. She finally got him to calm down. After calming the dog down, she called 911. There was no salvaging this. But she knew she had to do something, after not returning any of his calls or texts. While still on the phone with 911, she gave her location and the scene. "apartment is filthy, dog bloody, human not found yet." how could he not be found in this tiny apartment? And then it dawned on her... The bathroom. The woman on the phone instructed her to step as lightly as she could. Suddenly she saw feet. She gave out a little gasp. "what is it?" asked the woman on the phone. "I think I found... I found..." and then everything went black.
Chapter 5
Chapter 5:
~~~~~~~~~~
Two hours went by in the blink of an eye. They swapped stories about their families, places they had lived, even heartbreak. Christina told Ryan all about what she was doing on the road. He thought she was crazy for going at it alone, a pretty young thing like her should have a partner so they could look after each other, but he understood her need to be on her own. He commended her bravery and told her the offer always stood. She would always have a place to stay in his neck of the woods. He did make her give him her cell number "just in case" she needed anything and for his own peace of mind. He could not sleep at night knowing she was out there and not knowing if she was okay. He knew the roads he gave her were safe enough, but things happened everywhere.
Soon enough, they were pulling into the Greyhound bus station in Fayettville, North Carolina. Christina had been having such a wonderful time talking with Ryan that she almost didn't want to leave. But she took one look out the window and her heart dropped. Nature was calling to her, beckoning for her to enjoy this leg of the trip, until Savannah where she promised to stop at Ryan's place for one night of real sleep before the last leg. He said he could get her another bus ticket if she wanted and she told him she would see how she felt at that point.
She stretched her whole body before grabbing her bags. Everyone else who needed to get off the bus had gotten off already so she didn't need to worry about rolling over anyone's feet. Her heart ached for these people. Even though they were strangers, everyone had been so nice and treated her with kindness. Nobody rolled their eyes at her bike or asked her questions, but a few of the people sitting by her who were listening while she was telling Ryan the whole story of her recent past piped in with their own thoughts. Everyone was really supportive of her and wished her well on her trip.
She took one last look and waved to the people still on the bus, and the ones who were awake waved back. She finally stepped off the bus to a new journey.
Ryan walked off the bus after her. He was greeted by his buddy Aaron who was taking over his shift so he could drive home and crash.
"hey, man," Aaron said. "you look beat! How did you survive the drive?"
"you see that fine looking thing over there with that bike?" Ryan asked, nodding his head over at Christina, who was texting on her phone.
"yep, sure do."
"that's how."
"say no more, my friend. Is she getting back on the bus?"
"nope, she's riding her bike all the way to my house."
"Daymn!!!!" Aaron exclaimed. A few passengers gave him a funny look but he didn't seem to mind. "how did you land that?"
"I didn't."
"you mean you didn't put the famous Ryan moves on her and she still accepted your offer? Somehow I doubt that."
"look. When she got on the bus she looked heartsick. When she finally started talking to me it was like an angel stepped in. I was on my last legs. When she started talking to me, it was literally the only thing keeping me from running the bus off the road. I'm not gonna offer her a place to stay just to expect her to put out when she gets there. And now I'm gonna pass out in my car before I drive home."
Aaron looked at his buddy. Ryan Patrick was tall and lanky, with short brown hair and green eyes that any woman would swoon over. He knew this because he watched a few do just that. Ryan was the kind of guy who could get any woman he wanted, and usually did. Aaron was a little older, a little shorter, and a lot balder. He was lucky he had a good woman at home who loved him enough to have two babies with him. But it didn't mean he couldn't live vicariously through his friend and colleague. But he also could respect the fact that Ryan had a soft spot for this one, so he just decided to let it go for once.
"okay, man. You told her our route so she knows where we will be if she catches up to us before your place?"
"yep, sure did."
"well then, let's get this party started!" and with that, Aaron finished loading everyone's suitcases, checked their tickets, and drove away.
Christina looked up when the bus took off. It was just her and Ryan and he looked like he was coming over to her. She felt her face blush as he did, even though her heart was still broken, he WAS handsome. She smiled as he came over.
"well, my ride just left," she said in an "aww shucks but not really" kind of way.
"well, good thing you have another one," Ryan answered while pointing to the handle bars.
"yep, sure do, and she can't wait to be on the road. Thank you for everything."
Ryan looked into Christina's eyes. There was something there that went beyond just a pretty girl looking for adventure on the open road. There was someone who had lost a piece of herself and was trying like hell to find it. As much as he wanted to kiss her, he settled for opening his arms and feeling her body relax as he embraced her for a little bit.
When she pulled back, he felt her leave and it broke his heart a little. It was strange, even though she had been in his life for at least 12 hours, he knew her entire life story, at least the parts she wanted to share. He knew she was a very special lady and he also knew that coming across another Christina just wouldn't happen. But he also didn't want to scare her. It was obvious she had no idea how special she really was. And he wasn't about to tell her.
"alright, time for me to get some rest before I drive home."
"yep, it looks like you're about to fall asleep standing up."
"goodbye, Christina."
"see you later, Ryan."
And with that, Christina watched as Ryan went to his car, got in, and rolled the windows down. She hoped he wouldn't fry in the heat. Hopefully he would feel better in a little bit and drive to a hotel where he could take a nap in some air conditioning. She took a deep breath, looking out onto the open road before her. She hopped on her bike with a huge smile on her face. She was feeling better already.
Looking out on the road made her feel so much better. She was beginning to feel a little claustrophobic on that bus and she knew it was time to spread her wings again. Feeling the wind on her skin made her feel more alive than since before she broke up with Jimmy. And although he was still texting her, she didn't really know what to say back. She had bared her soul to him more than anyone else on this planet and she still ended up running away from him. It wasn't him that was the problem. It wasn't even the fact that he loved her. It was the fact that for the first time, she had felt like what it felt to really be loved and to love someone back the same and it freaked her out too much to face it. So she did what she did best. she picked another adventure.
So far, her adventure was pretty cool. She met an awesome guy who was growing on her every second. It wasn't even like she wanted to hook up with him. There was just something about him that resonated with her and she wanted to get to know him better, even if she would just be staying with him for one night.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Christina had been on the road for exactly one hour, and she had already begun to feel like a new woman. Looking at the beautiful North Carolina landscape made her feel like she was in a movie and even though the sun was hot she had her spray-on sunscreen, water bottle, and plenty of scenery to stop and take pictures of.
Even though she had gotten a text from Jimmy, she couldn't help from thinking about Ryan. At first he was just another greyhound bus driver but he ended up turning out to be a really good friend. Or at least someone she could picture herself being friends with. Even though he was very attractive, there was something different about him that she couldn't quite put her finger on. There was a time when they were hugging that she thought he might kiss her but he didn't. And she didn't know what was bothering her more: the fact that he didn't even try or that she was thinking about him kissing her. Is that even what she really wanted? And why did her mind always have to go there when it was obvious that he was just trying to be a friend?
Suddenly she couldn't take it anymore. The sun was too hot and she needed a break. She stopped in a town called Elizabethtown, with a population of about 3,585 people. It wasn't just a small town, she thought. It was a teeny tiny town. But at least there was an ice cream parlor that looked like it had been built in the 50's and then never had anything else done to it besides basic maintenance. She loved it already.
She hooked her bike up to a park bench outside even though she was fairly certain everyone in town was in the ice cream shop, escaping the heat. Looking around she could tell that the place could only hold maybe 1/4th of them, but it was still decent. At least the AC worked.
There were a couple of older couples in the booths, too busy with their ice cream sundaes to pay much attention to an outsider. She had been all over the eastern part of the united states and had come across small towns before, but she felt like a sore thumb here. Definitely an outsider. She just hoped the locals were friendly.
Upon sitting down on a very dated but still very comfy cushioned bar stool at the counter, she was about to find out.
"you new here?" a voice observed from her left. She looked up to find a not unattractive older man, probably in his late 30s, staring tentatively at her. She would have been slightly afraid if it weren't for his impossibly kind eyes.
"just passing through."
"where ya goin'?"
Although he looked nice enough, and he was sitting in an ice cream parlor at 3pm, something about him told her not to say exactly where she would be. "I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to show up. He told me to meet him here at 3:06pm sharp at this bar stool in this ice cream parlor."
She had no idea what had possessed her to say that. She looked at her cell phone, which read 3:04pm. Her nonexistent boyfriend would not be walking through those doors and everyone here would think she was crazy. Before the man could begin to protest, a very chipper man in his 50s showed up. "hi, and welcome to Bart's Soda Shoppe. I'm Bart, what can I do ya for?"
Christina had realized in all the distractions that she hadn't even looked at the menu. She was about to stick her nose in the 3 paged menu when she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She jumped slightly but felt immediately better once she saw who it was. It was Ryan, the bus driver. He looked as surprised to see her as she did him, but she wasn't about to tell him that.
"3:06pm on the dot, just like you said. Right, honey?"
Something in her eyes told Ryan he should play along. "Right. I'm so glad you decided to listen to me for once." He planted a kiss on her forehead and turned to the man who just a few minutes ago had been giving Christina the creeps. "Women. You tell them anything it goes in one ear, out the other. Am I right?"
The guy took one look at Ryan, who had his arm protectively around Christina's waist. She looked perfectly comfortably and not at all freaking out, like she was on the inside. She gave the man a smile while he continued to stare incredulously at both Ryan and Christina before getting up off his stool and walking out of the ice cream place without taking his ice cream with him.
"so, does someone want to explain what in the heck all that was about?" Ryan asked as he sat down next to Christina, whose eyes were now wide and her cheeks were flustered. "how did you--? I said--"
She couldn't get the words out of her mouth. How in the hell could she have reached into the deepest recesses of her mind and just knew that this man would show up at this specific place at this specific time? certainly the sun was making her go crazy. Or being on the road too long. Or something.
"I slept for about an hour before almost frying to death in my car so I decided to head out. When I passed through this town I saw your bike so I decided to stop in and see if you were here and here you are. Looking very weirded out by me being here. Oh no, I'm stalking you, aren't I?" Christina saw his face drop and instantly felt the need to explain.
"no, no, no!! I'm glad you're here! It's just that I told that man you were on your way and you told me to meet you here at a specific time and well... You showed up."
"true story, I heard all of it," Bart offered. "she was getting hit on by the town creepo and told him some story about a boyfriend meeting her here and in you walk and nearly startled the poor thing to death who still has yet to order."
"I will have a root beer float, extra float, easy on the root." Christina said in her best "thank you for making me not sound completely crazy" voice.
"coming right up!" Bart said happily as he left the two of them alone for a minute. She watched as Ryan's face contemplated all of this. He knew there was something special about her and every minute he spent with her, he was being validated.
He ordered a hot fudge sundae and they decided to have their treats outside. The town was tiny but beautiful enough to walk through and Christina was okay with meeting crazy guy again as long as she had someone with her, at least for the time being.
"so, there's something that I wanted to run by you," Ryan said. Christina noticed that his voice got a little bit shy as he said that and she wondered if he was going to try and kiss her. A part of her hoped not, but another part was getting more curious by the second. It was a wonder she wasn't committed for all of the problems she had figuring out boys. She realized now that she was talking to herself inside her head and not out loud. She cleared her throat. "okay, go ahead."
"so, I'm wondering if you will let me drive you to my place and then to your friend's house?"
Christina's face dropped. Ryan instantly regretted the words that came out of his mouth. He had just met her and now he was asking her to go on a road trip with him? Was he completely crazy? If he was being honest with himself, he was crazy. About her. But he didn't want to be like every other guy. He wanted to try being her friend first and seeing if that could work. He wanted her to be safe more than he cared about anything else. And the only way for his mind to be completely rested was if he saw her safe himself. If she turned around screaming in the other direction he couldn't control that, but he had to ask.
"well, you've gotten me this far. I may as well let you take me at least to your place. If you need me to drive, I can."
When she said that, his face lit up. She wasn't sure which part he was happiest about, but she was happy that she could make a guy as sweet as him happy. He literally looked as if he had won the lottery.
It was getting later but the town only seemed to be getting hotter as they walked back to the ice cream shop so Christina could grab her bike. There was just enough room to fit it in the trunk of his car if they moved some stuff around so he could lay in the backseat. He set up the GPS so she could see where to go and as soon as she was on the road again, he was out like a light.
~~~~~~~~~~
Two hours went by in the blink of an eye. They swapped stories about their families, places they had lived, even heartbreak. Christina told Ryan all about what she was doing on the road. He thought she was crazy for going at it alone, a pretty young thing like her should have a partner so they could look after each other, but he understood her need to be on her own. He commended her bravery and told her the offer always stood. She would always have a place to stay in his neck of the woods. He did make her give him her cell number "just in case" she needed anything and for his own peace of mind. He could not sleep at night knowing she was out there and not knowing if she was okay. He knew the roads he gave her were safe enough, but things happened everywhere.
Soon enough, they were pulling into the Greyhound bus station in Fayettville, North Carolina. Christina had been having such a wonderful time talking with Ryan that she almost didn't want to leave. But she took one look out the window and her heart dropped. Nature was calling to her, beckoning for her to enjoy this leg of the trip, until Savannah where she promised to stop at Ryan's place for one night of real sleep before the last leg. He said he could get her another bus ticket if she wanted and she told him she would see how she felt at that point.
She stretched her whole body before grabbing her bags. Everyone else who needed to get off the bus had gotten off already so she didn't need to worry about rolling over anyone's feet. Her heart ached for these people. Even though they were strangers, everyone had been so nice and treated her with kindness. Nobody rolled their eyes at her bike or asked her questions, but a few of the people sitting by her who were listening while she was telling Ryan the whole story of her recent past piped in with their own thoughts. Everyone was really supportive of her and wished her well on her trip.
She took one last look and waved to the people still on the bus, and the ones who were awake waved back. She finally stepped off the bus to a new journey.
Ryan walked off the bus after her. He was greeted by his buddy Aaron who was taking over his shift so he could drive home and crash.
"hey, man," Aaron said. "you look beat! How did you survive the drive?"
"you see that fine looking thing over there with that bike?" Ryan asked, nodding his head over at Christina, who was texting on her phone.
"yep, sure do."
"that's how."
"say no more, my friend. Is she getting back on the bus?"
"nope, she's riding her bike all the way to my house."
"Daymn!!!!" Aaron exclaimed. A few passengers gave him a funny look but he didn't seem to mind. "how did you land that?"
"I didn't."
"you mean you didn't put the famous Ryan moves on her and she still accepted your offer? Somehow I doubt that."
"look. When she got on the bus she looked heartsick. When she finally started talking to me it was like an angel stepped in. I was on my last legs. When she started talking to me, it was literally the only thing keeping me from running the bus off the road. I'm not gonna offer her a place to stay just to expect her to put out when she gets there. And now I'm gonna pass out in my car before I drive home."
Aaron looked at his buddy. Ryan Patrick was tall and lanky, with short brown hair and green eyes that any woman would swoon over. He knew this because he watched a few do just that. Ryan was the kind of guy who could get any woman he wanted, and usually did. Aaron was a little older, a little shorter, and a lot balder. He was lucky he had a good woman at home who loved him enough to have two babies with him. But it didn't mean he couldn't live vicariously through his friend and colleague. But he also could respect the fact that Ryan had a soft spot for this one, so he just decided to let it go for once.
"okay, man. You told her our route so she knows where we will be if she catches up to us before your place?"
"yep, sure did."
"well then, let's get this party started!" and with that, Aaron finished loading everyone's suitcases, checked their tickets, and drove away.
Christina looked up when the bus took off. It was just her and Ryan and he looked like he was coming over to her. She felt her face blush as he did, even though her heart was still broken, he WAS handsome. She smiled as he came over.
"well, my ride just left," she said in an "aww shucks but not really" kind of way.
"well, good thing you have another one," Ryan answered while pointing to the handle bars.
"yep, sure do, and she can't wait to be on the road. Thank you for everything."
Ryan looked into Christina's eyes. There was something there that went beyond just a pretty girl looking for adventure on the open road. There was someone who had lost a piece of herself and was trying like hell to find it. As much as he wanted to kiss her, he settled for opening his arms and feeling her body relax as he embraced her for a little bit.
When she pulled back, he felt her leave and it broke his heart a little. It was strange, even though she had been in his life for at least 12 hours, he knew her entire life story, at least the parts she wanted to share. He knew she was a very special lady and he also knew that coming across another Christina just wouldn't happen. But he also didn't want to scare her. It was obvious she had no idea how special she really was. And he wasn't about to tell her.
"alright, time for me to get some rest before I drive home."
"yep, it looks like you're about to fall asleep standing up."
"goodbye, Christina."
"see you later, Ryan."
And with that, Christina watched as Ryan went to his car, got in, and rolled the windows down. She hoped he wouldn't fry in the heat. Hopefully he would feel better in a little bit and drive to a hotel where he could take a nap in some air conditioning. She took a deep breath, looking out onto the open road before her. She hopped on her bike with a huge smile on her face. She was feeling better already.
Looking out on the road made her feel so much better. She was beginning to feel a little claustrophobic on that bus and she knew it was time to spread her wings again. Feeling the wind on her skin made her feel more alive than since before she broke up with Jimmy. And although he was still texting her, she didn't really know what to say back. She had bared her soul to him more than anyone else on this planet and she still ended up running away from him. It wasn't him that was the problem. It wasn't even the fact that he loved her. It was the fact that for the first time, she had felt like what it felt to really be loved and to love someone back the same and it freaked her out too much to face it. So she did what she did best. she picked another adventure.
So far, her adventure was pretty cool. She met an awesome guy who was growing on her every second. It wasn't even like she wanted to hook up with him. There was just something about him that resonated with her and she wanted to get to know him better, even if she would just be staying with him for one night.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Christina had been on the road for exactly one hour, and she had already begun to feel like a new woman. Looking at the beautiful North Carolina landscape made her feel like she was in a movie and even though the sun was hot she had her spray-on sunscreen, water bottle, and plenty of scenery to stop and take pictures of.
Even though she had gotten a text from Jimmy, she couldn't help from thinking about Ryan. At first he was just another greyhound bus driver but he ended up turning out to be a really good friend. Or at least someone she could picture herself being friends with. Even though he was very attractive, there was something different about him that she couldn't quite put her finger on. There was a time when they were hugging that she thought he might kiss her but he didn't. And she didn't know what was bothering her more: the fact that he didn't even try or that she was thinking about him kissing her. Is that even what she really wanted? And why did her mind always have to go there when it was obvious that he was just trying to be a friend?
Suddenly she couldn't take it anymore. The sun was too hot and she needed a break. She stopped in a town called Elizabethtown, with a population of about 3,585 people. It wasn't just a small town, she thought. It was a teeny tiny town. But at least there was an ice cream parlor that looked like it had been built in the 50's and then never had anything else done to it besides basic maintenance. She loved it already.
She hooked her bike up to a park bench outside even though she was fairly certain everyone in town was in the ice cream shop, escaping the heat. Looking around she could tell that the place could only hold maybe 1/4th of them, but it was still decent. At least the AC worked.
There were a couple of older couples in the booths, too busy with their ice cream sundaes to pay much attention to an outsider. She had been all over the eastern part of the united states and had come across small towns before, but she felt like a sore thumb here. Definitely an outsider. She just hoped the locals were friendly.
Upon sitting down on a very dated but still very comfy cushioned bar stool at the counter, she was about to find out.
"you new here?" a voice observed from her left. She looked up to find a not unattractive older man, probably in his late 30s, staring tentatively at her. She would have been slightly afraid if it weren't for his impossibly kind eyes.
"just passing through."
"where ya goin'?"
Although he looked nice enough, and he was sitting in an ice cream parlor at 3pm, something about him told her not to say exactly where she would be. "I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to show up. He told me to meet him here at 3:06pm sharp at this bar stool in this ice cream parlor."
She had no idea what had possessed her to say that. She looked at her cell phone, which read 3:04pm. Her nonexistent boyfriend would not be walking through those doors and everyone here would think she was crazy. Before the man could begin to protest, a very chipper man in his 50s showed up. "hi, and welcome to Bart's Soda Shoppe. I'm Bart, what can I do ya for?"
Christina had realized in all the distractions that she hadn't even looked at the menu. She was about to stick her nose in the 3 paged menu when she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She jumped slightly but felt immediately better once she saw who it was. It was Ryan, the bus driver. He looked as surprised to see her as she did him, but she wasn't about to tell him that.
"3:06pm on the dot, just like you said. Right, honey?"
Something in her eyes told Ryan he should play along. "Right. I'm so glad you decided to listen to me for once." He planted a kiss on her forehead and turned to the man who just a few minutes ago had been giving Christina the creeps. "Women. You tell them anything it goes in one ear, out the other. Am I right?"
The guy took one look at Ryan, who had his arm protectively around Christina's waist. She looked perfectly comfortably and not at all freaking out, like she was on the inside. She gave the man a smile while he continued to stare incredulously at both Ryan and Christina before getting up off his stool and walking out of the ice cream place without taking his ice cream with him.
"so, does someone want to explain what in the heck all that was about?" Ryan asked as he sat down next to Christina, whose eyes were now wide and her cheeks were flustered. "how did you--? I said--"
She couldn't get the words out of her mouth. How in the hell could she have reached into the deepest recesses of her mind and just knew that this man would show up at this specific place at this specific time? certainly the sun was making her go crazy. Or being on the road too long. Or something.
"I slept for about an hour before almost frying to death in my car so I decided to head out. When I passed through this town I saw your bike so I decided to stop in and see if you were here and here you are. Looking very weirded out by me being here. Oh no, I'm stalking you, aren't I?" Christina saw his face drop and instantly felt the need to explain.
"no, no, no!! I'm glad you're here! It's just that I told that man you were on your way and you told me to meet you here at a specific time and well... You showed up."
"true story, I heard all of it," Bart offered. "she was getting hit on by the town creepo and told him some story about a boyfriend meeting her here and in you walk and nearly startled the poor thing to death who still has yet to order."
"I will have a root beer float, extra float, easy on the root." Christina said in her best "thank you for making me not sound completely crazy" voice.
"coming right up!" Bart said happily as he left the two of them alone for a minute. She watched as Ryan's face contemplated all of this. He knew there was something special about her and every minute he spent with her, he was being validated.
He ordered a hot fudge sundae and they decided to have their treats outside. The town was tiny but beautiful enough to walk through and Christina was okay with meeting crazy guy again as long as she had someone with her, at least for the time being.
"so, there's something that I wanted to run by you," Ryan said. Christina noticed that his voice got a little bit shy as he said that and she wondered if he was going to try and kiss her. A part of her hoped not, but another part was getting more curious by the second. It was a wonder she wasn't committed for all of the problems she had figuring out boys. She realized now that she was talking to herself inside her head and not out loud. She cleared her throat. "okay, go ahead."
"so, I'm wondering if you will let me drive you to my place and then to your friend's house?"
Christina's face dropped. Ryan instantly regretted the words that came out of his mouth. He had just met her and now he was asking her to go on a road trip with him? Was he completely crazy? If he was being honest with himself, he was crazy. About her. But he didn't want to be like every other guy. He wanted to try being her friend first and seeing if that could work. He wanted her to be safe more than he cared about anything else. And the only way for his mind to be completely rested was if he saw her safe himself. If she turned around screaming in the other direction he couldn't control that, but he had to ask.
"well, you've gotten me this far. I may as well let you take me at least to your place. If you need me to drive, I can."
When she said that, his face lit up. She wasn't sure which part he was happiest about, but she was happy that she could make a guy as sweet as him happy. He literally looked as if he had won the lottery.
It was getting later but the town only seemed to be getting hotter as they walked back to the ice cream shop so Christina could grab her bike. There was just enough room to fit it in the trunk of his car if they moved some stuff around so he could lay in the backseat. He set up the GPS so she could see where to go and as soon as she was on the road again, he was out like a light.
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