Chapter 2

Chapter 2:
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Christina gave the motel room a last look. On the one hand, she wasn't going to miss the scratchy bedding, the sink that never quite turned off, and the lights that sometimes had a mind of their own. Everything she owned was on her back except for the pink dress which was crumpled in a heap on the floor. She thought about leaving it that way but then quickly changed her mind. She picked up the dress, smoothing it out and laid it on the bed. She could still feel where she had cried into the dress. It was too pretty to just leave behind, but it couldn't come with her. The one thing about her journey was that there was a reason she kept all of her things in only one backpack. No room for anything extra. She looked around and once she was satisfied that she had what she needed, she was out the door.
She saw Vinny looking at her with a huge look of concern on his face. "did you get what I asked for?"
"sure did," Vinny said with his best calm face on. "we will miss you but if you ever find yourself in town again, you are always welcome here."
She looked at him being brave, trying not to show too much emotion. Was he really that sad that she was leaving? A part of her was screaming. "what are you doing? Stay here! You have friends here! You have a man who loves you! If you walk out that door you are crazy." but she fought against those feelings and picked up the info. The cab was already outside, waiting to take her to her new destination: far away from here.
"thank you so much for everything, Vinny," she said with a grateful smile.  And with that, she walked out.

The Maine air hit her like a brick. She didn't realize how hot her face was until she stepped into the coolness of the early Autumn night. There was something she would miss about this part of the country, the weather. She packed her stuff up in the cab and waved goodbye to Vinny, who she could see was trying to be brave but tears were falling down his cheeks.

She had broken her own rule: she stayed too long. No one had ever showed this much emotion for her before, not even her parents when she told them about the trip. Her mom cried a little and said she loved her and please keep in touch, but her dad didn't even look her way as she walked out the door. Her parents got married because she was on the way and she knew her dad never fully recovered from that fact. He couldn't just leave a pregnant woman alone, especially since he had helped make that situation happen, so he did the only honorable thing a  man of 18 could do. He married his 17 year old pregnant girlfriend, and then regretted the decision ever since.

All Christina knew was that she had to get out of that house. She couldn't spend another minute watching her mom try to make that poor excuse for a man love her. Her mom was still beautiful, despite years of stress and emotional abuse. There were plenty of perfectly nice men who came around, the brave ones even approaching her while she and her husband were out together in public. But she would always smile her beautifully sad smile and sigh, being content with being on the arm of a man who could give two shits about her. He didn't love her when he got her pregnant, didn't love her when he took those stupid vows, and didn't love her when that abomination of a baby came. But in his family, divorces were out of the question, and so he could be as miserable as he liked, could even sleep with other woman, but he would never grant her the satisfaction of being free. He would throw her enough scraps for her to want to stay, but only after she had threatened to leave. He knew she would never have sex with another man, unlike him, she cared about her vows. But as he drilled into whatever piece of ass he happened to pick up, grinding away at her while watching her moan and groan mechanically like a $15 porn star, a part of him died a little inside each time. He didn't hate his wife, she was a good woman. She used to enjoy sex, not quite like this but at least they had a connection.  He didn't hate his kid, either. It was just that he felt stuck in another person's life and he wanted a completely new one.

Christina thought about her parents on the way to the bus station. She didn't hate her dad, they just never knew how to cope with each other. They acted more like buddies than father and daughter. So when it came to love, she was often confused as to what the right thing to do was. Her parents just seemed miserable together and she knew that she would never let herself end up that way. Which meant never falling in love in the first place. Only, going on dates got her out of the house, and the more time she spent outside the house and away from her own drama, the more she craved that freedom. But the only problem with that was eventually boys wanted to be invited back to her place. They wanted to feel like real boyfriends and started feeling used whenever she called them only to escape whatever drama was going on at her house at the time. She could never call on, say, a Tuesday just to hang out and be together. It always had to be something. So she decided that when she could, she was going to leave all of it behind, and it worked, until tonight.

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He was standing right outside in the parking lot. The taxi was nowhere in site. A part of Christina wanted to jump on him and give him kisses and never let go. But that part was overruled by her annoyance that he couldn't just take a hint. She tried to let the second part show through as she approached him.
"what the fuck are you doing here?"
"I thought you could use a ride to the station."
"that's what the taxi was for."
"yeah that wasn't going to work for me."

She couldn't believe this man. Couldn't he just let her go? She was too messed up for anyone to love. Why couldn't he see that this was the kindest thing she would ever do for him? He wanted the girl who he fell for back in the beginning. And she wanted to be that girl. But this was more of who she was, and she decided to own it.
"I have to go."
"why?"
"because it's who I am."
"that's the palest excuse I've ever heard."
"well too bad, it's the only one you're going to hear."
"at least let me give you a ride."
"no, thanks."
"please."
"no."
"please?" the tears in his eyes were threatening to spill over. She couldn't take it anymore.
"no.  Just leave me alone, Jimmy."

She got on her bike and pedaled away. He could have very easily followed her but he chose not to. Instead he watched the only woman who he ever loved pedal away into the night. With the tears flowing freely now he whispered a small goodbye for her, "goodbye, my angel. Please be safe. And I hope you find what it is you're truly looking for." and with that, he climbed into the car, took one last look at the motel where he had spent the last few months falling in love, and drove off into the night.