Christina was back at her beach house. Except this time it wasn't a far off place, it was the picture she had seen right before her eyes in the presence of her best friend and niece. She knew that this was a real place, with 4 walls and a roof, right off the beach. This place was just as much a part of her as the air she was breathing, the sounds of Winter Grace screaming in delight as the cold water lapped at her feet, and the ground beneath her feet. She could feel the hardwood floors on her feet, and it felt good to walk around in a place she could finally call home.
This time she heard a dog barking. Her heart lept out of her chest as she heard the familiar bark. She practically ran out of the house, not bothering to close the door to the back porch behind her. Right there with Winter and Sam was her dog, Hunter. He was wagging his tail and barking at Winter as she splashed water at him. He licked her tiny face and she squeeled. At first the noise made him stop but only for a second before giving her more kisses. As Christina approached, she tried to be as quiet as possible. She ached to be near her dog but the scene unfolding before her was so adorable that she didn't want to ruin it. But it didn't matter.
Hunter stopped what he was doing and stayed very still. He sniffed the air around him and then turned his head, doggie tongue sticking out of the side of his snout as he followed the scent to her. He immediately ran to her, all 85 pounds of black fur and sand rushing to greet her. Christina was knocked onto her butt at the impact but she didn't care as she gave him a hug and he licked her face. In that moment, she didn't care if it was just a dream. She could feel his sandy fur in her hands, could hear his cries of joy as they were once again reunited. "I missed you so much, baby boy," she whispered into his ear. "I will never leave you again, I promise." He answered with a few licks to her face before plopping down at her side.
She looked out at the horizon and saw Sam and Winter holding hands looking over at her. She waved them over and soon enough, Hunter was in heaven as he had 3 beautiful ladies petting him. As he calmed down, Christina laid down next to him. He wrapped his front paws around her and she held onto his black fur. Suddenly she felt like she might cry. She tried pushing back the tears but they came anyway, in a rush of emotion. In her waking life, Christina had been showing too much emotion lately. It was all part of becoming herself again, all a part of feeling human again. She wondered as she laid in the sand with her people (and dog) if she would ever feel like herself enough to stop the tears from flooding her face. In that moment, the scene changed.
Suddenly she was back at Ryan's house. The house itself was empty, but she could see that there was a bit more life in it than when she had first set foot in it. The pillows and blankets from the night she stayed over were still on the floor, arranged the way she had put them. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but she felt a ping of emotion for this place. Suddenly she realized that this felt like home to her as well, and with that thought, the vision of her and Ryan laying down on those pillows came to life. In an instant she was watching herself sleep. But for some reason she couldn't keep her eyes off of Ryan. He looked so adorable sleeping, but she could see the struggle in his eyes. She could see him wanting to do more than just snuggle with her, but not daring make a move, especially while she was asleep. She was even more impressed by his restraint after seeing this play out a second time. He really did not do anything to make a move besides hold her. And she looked so content, just laying there.
She woke up with a start. The room was just beginning to light up which meant it had to have been not more than a little past sunrise. She stretched her body to get a better look at the clock on the end table between the two beds. Ugh, she was right. It was about 7:43am. Both Sam and Winter were still fast asleep, obviously not affected a bit by all the moving around she must have been doing. Slowly she scootched herself off the bed, careful not to wake either of her girls. She told herself she was just going to the bathroom, and if her phone just happened to be on the way, who was she not to check it?
First she had to find out if it even still worked. All of her phones were a little damp but this was the one in her pocket so it had the most damage. She quietly fished the battery out of the rice and slide it back into the phone. She didn't realize she was holding her breath until after hitting the power button and upon seeing the welcome screen, she let her breath out. She did a silent victory dance in her head as the phone slowly puttered to life, taking forever to load but slowly getting there. She decided, or rather her bladder decided for her, that she would take this time to use the bathroom upon waiting for everything to load all the way. After she was finished she walked slowly back to her phone, holding in a breath again as she checked the screen. Holy crap, she had 15 text messages.
A few of them were from her mom, wondering where in the heck she was. Her mom sent a few "please tell me if you're alright" texts before sending a REALLY nasty one, right before sending a "Sam tells me you guys are together and safe so... please disregard the last text." She sighed as she deleted all but the last one, reminding herself to text her mom when she felt up to it. The next text was hard to read. It nearly took her breath away to watch the words upon the screen. It was from Jimmy. "I miss you, my darling. I think about you all the time and I know you still love me. Please text me back. If not, I will try again soon."
Christina knew by now that she didn't exactly handle the whole Jimmy situation the right way. In her heart she knew she had hurt him. But at that same token, she knew that she still had a ways to go before she got to this point. He had loved a woman who was still very broken and although he tried his best, he couldn't shake the demons within her. She had to give him props for that and tell him thank you for everything but she couldn't bring herself to. Not yet. But she didn't exactly delete this text, either. She decided that she was going to hang onto it for as long as she felt she needed to, to be reminded of this man who showed her what it was like to be loved.
The last text came from Ryan (of course). He just said he missed her and please let him know when she makes it to Florida and when can he come visit. She smiled at this for a minute before responding back. "Hello, handsome. At the hotel now with my bff and niece, should be arriving in Florida within the next couple of days. Will let you know when you can visit." She felt her whole face smile as she pressed the send button. She was just about to crawl back into bed and fall back asleep when she saw Winter opening her eyes.
"Auntie Christina!!! Why are you all the way over there?"
"Excuse me, I had to pee," Christina answered, her face still flushed. She saw the screen light up on the old flip phone that she had a new text, but instead of answering back she set the phone down and scooped her niece up and snuggled back in between her and Sam. "Let's not wake your mom up just yet, little one," Christina said softly. "She's had a long day."
Winter looked at Christina with a concerned face. Christina knew that face, it was the one she wore when she was thinking intently. Chistina waited patiently for the little girl to collect her thoughts. Winter signaled for her aunt to come closer to her so she could whisper in her ear. It had been such a long time since they'd shared any secrets. Christina felt her heart strings tug as she lowered her face to allow her niece to whisper in her ear. "Daddy is trying to get back with Mommy," she whispered. Christina couldn't hide her disappointment. "Uh oh," she said, trying to be quiet. "what is he doing?"
"He's sending her letters, calling her, texting her, saying how much he misses her," Winter said sadly.
"And how do you think your mom feels about this?"
"She doesn't miss him back."
"Really? How can you tell?"
"She never answers back. Just tells me we're going on an adventure and then takes me to the beach. We walk along the edge picking sea shells for a while until she feels better and then we go back home."
Christina contemplated this for a little bit. No wonder why Sam was in such a hurry to get out of there. Christina's slow pace gave her the courage she needed to leave Florida altogether and not come back until they were all together again. But she wondered why Sam didn't say anything last night at dinner. She would keep this thought to herself until her friend decided to tell her later. She gave Winter a little squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. "You know what I'm glad for?"
"What's that, auntie Christina?"
"I'm glad we're all together again. Your mom has been through a lot and I'm so thankful for the two of you."
Winter held onto her aunt a little tighter. At that moment, Sam decided to wake up. She opened her eyes slowly and stretched her whole body, making a bunch of strange cat noises as she did so. "Look who's awake!!!" Christina said, as Winter let go of her to pounce on her mom. "Yay, mom's awake!! Now we can get some breakfast!!!!"
"Ugh, not before I wake up a little bit," Sam said grogily. "You okay?" Christina asked. "Yeah, just had some very strange dreams," Sam answered. "I had an awesome dream," Christina said, her face smiling. "OOoooh did someone get lucky?" Sam asked seductively. "No, you silly goose," Christina answered, blushing a little bit. "I just saw Hunter, that's all." "Awwww.... I miss him," Sam said. "I know, me too."
"Alright, we got a long way to go today," Sam said. "Let me get dressed and then we'll go down to breakfast and then head out."
"Sounds good to me," Christina answered. She could feel the rumblings start in her stomach. She couldn't believe how hungry she was. In the past year there were so many times she would go all day before realizing she hadn't eaten anything but just like her tears, her apetite was coming back as well. Instead of ignoring it she decided to just go with it, giving into the most important meal of the day.
The three of them walked hand in hand (in tiny hand) down the hallway and to the elevator, pressed the button, and made it to the lobby before all the good food was taken. They talked about everything: from their dreams, to checking the weather report, to Chris's mom's crazy texts. Sam never mentioned her exhusband though, and it was just as well. Christina liked that he wasn't even a thought in her mind. She smiled to herself as she sliced through her strawberry pancakes, savoring every piece. She was ready to get on with the next chapter in her life.
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